Friday, October 21, 2011

Autumn of the Heart-chapter 4

Okay if she wasn't totally sure of it before, now it was official. Kit was the most selfish uncaring, irresponsible human being ever. Connie! Of course she knew she could almost always count on Connie. Yep she called her and she was on her way over to rescue poor poor Bono.

Connie was the kind of friend anyone would be lucky to have. She told it like it was, but in the way you understood she cared enough to be honest. They had grown up two streets away from each other, and Kit practically lived at Connie's house. Connie's mother was so good to Kit, they adored each other. Kit felt as though she could tell her anything. When Kit had found she was pregnant, it was Connie's mother she confided in before her own mother. Kit was more like a sister to Connie all through the years and even more, now with her own sister living out of state.

Connie was quite surprised to hear of Kit's uncharacteristic response, to her work dilemma and quite supportive. "Right on sister, I'm proud of you" Connie revealed, as she had tried to talk Kit into getting out of that "nowhere business" as she called it. "I've been telling you for years, and now you have no excuse. You and I can start that business we've always dreamed of!"

Kit didn't know about that. Really it had been Kit's dream to open her own bridal shop or vintage store, but Connie's ideas, were a little "out there" sometimes for Kit's exquisite taste.

Connie was a free-lance photographer. She was definitely talented, but extremely unconventional. Some of her work was in small non-profit galleries around town. She certainly wasn't bringing in the big bucks, but that was Connie, no compromise, no way. Honestly Kit wished she were more like Connie, but they couldn't be more different. It had always been that way. Connie was political and Kit thought radical. When Connie and Kit would go out together, like to dinner, Kit would be on pins and needles, worrying what Connie might say or ask. "Is your salad from Guatemala" or "can I go in the kitchen and film your dish washers" just never knew and didn't dare guess, what Connie might think of. But Kit wouldn't ever want to change her. As they grew up, there were times when it was particularly hard to stay close friends with Connie, as you could imagine, Connie was not exactly in with the "in crowd". How thankful that even as a starving to fit in teenager, Kit had realized what a jewel of a friend she had in Connie.

Kit made herself a cup of tea. She wasn't sure how old this tea was, but she didn't care. She would go into town in the morning for some groceries. Opening the window, she pulled in the wonderful salty air of the bay. What a fantastic view it was, the old light-house, the bridge way in the distance. Kit watched from her porch as a woman and child played along the edge of the water. They were dressed alike, both in jeans, rolled up and red long heavy sweaters. The little girl was showing something to her mother, probably a beautiful shell of some sort. The woman was responding to her as if she had found the hope diamond. Suddenly a tall man ran up and grabbed the woman from behind, she turned and hugged him tightly, kissing him, like only couples with young children around would do. Then the little girl ran to be included and the man picked her up,swirling her around, her delights reaching to Kits' cold ears.

Why couldn't that have been her. Why couldn't she and Neal be doing this. Her heart ached as she still watched, unable to look away, unable to change the bitter past.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Autumn of the Heart-chapter 3

After Kit checked over and over to make sure the call had ended, she just sat there. The crying had stopped and she couldn't believe the peace she was feeling. She took a slow deep breath and decided to take a drive.

Kit had probably by instinct arrived there. It was her refuge many times. She looked around and could almost see, herself as a child. Running and jumping in the waves, chasing her sister and brother, never catching them.....

Kit's mother's family had owned this little cottage for 4 generations. She adored it. This was where she had her first big crush with an older boy, and this is where she wanted to be. She sat on the old rocker, still damp from the morning dew and lulled herself to sleep.

"Hello there stranger". Kit didn't jump, she softly awakened. She knew this voice, although it had grown a little weaker since she had last heard it. "Good morning I say". "Hello Mr. Mallory, how are you"? Kit could see how he was, old and bent over but he still had that twinkle in his eyes, she remembered. "How long has it been since you'Ve come here my dear, I know it's gotta be at least a dozen, but you haven't changed a bit"! "Well neither have you."she lied. "and I think it may only have been a couple of years Mr. Mallory". "Hey, remember what you kids used to call me, I kinda prefer it". "Okay sure, Captain,and why did we call you that, oh oh now I remember. We used to get you to play with us in that old broken down boat and we made you the captain". "That's right" he laughed, coughing as he did. "That cough sounds pretty bad, you ought to have it heard by a doctor, Mr. ahhh sorry Captain". "I have my dear, it's lung cancer" he was so matter of fact about it. She took a moment trying to think of how to respond. Here she was all upset about things in her life, while this poor man was dealing with lung cancer. She couldn't help it, she started to cry and just didn't stop. Poor man, what must he think, how could she be so selfish. "Thank you sweetie, you know you are the only person who has had that reaction when I have told them about the big C. I guess most people think, oh well that old buzzard has lived long enough. It's nice to know you cared enough to cry. Now now that's enough though".

The old place was just as it had been left. Kit thought her sister Kim had been there since she had. She and Kim had always been close as young girls. Now she was lucky to see her once a year if that. Kim lived in Ohio with her husband, they didn't have any children yet. She was a writer, although she had yet to have any of her work published. Kit knew it was just a matter of time, as she thought Kim was a wonderful writer. Their brother Kip was always stealing her diary and Kit was only to eager to share a peek. From a young age everyone knew that Kim had a gift.

Now Kip on the other hand was the rebel. Even though Kit had the pregnancy thing, up until that, Kit had been the perfect child, or so it was thought. Kip was too wild, too funny, too crazy to live a normal life. That is why it was such a shock and quite the joke to everyone when Kip became a minister! He had a rather large congregation in his non-traditional church, in North Carolina of all places. He was yet to be married, but there was never any shortage of willing brides to be.

How could it be that all those years had passed. The people she lived with, gone for the most part, from each others lives. Still she had her memories and for now that was a great comfort.

Kit's phone had not stopped ringing since she had made that insane call to her immediate boss. And everyone it seemed was leaving messages. She didn't dare listen to them. She couldn't resist. The first message was from Henry. "Kit, Kit dear, what is wrong? Carol called me with the impossible news. Kit you know you don't mean it. Call me asap. I love you we can work this out."

Henry did sound sincere. Should she call him. Maybe she shouldn't have quit, maybe she should see what he had to say. After all he was always saying he loved her. Maybe she was a fool to walk away from this.

She listened to the next message....."Listen you bitch, I left a message hours ago for you. So that is how you want to play it. Your are the most ungrateful stupid woman I have ever bothered with. Oh and you better look for another line of work. Your name is trash in this biz. Have a nice life bitch!"

Once again Kit had been saved from herself. She had made the right move, but couldn't shake the fact that she was ready to make the wrong one again. When would she ever learn, when would she ever know when to trust someone and who. She started to cry again, but now more from anger.............."OMGOSH, BONO!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Autumn of the Heart--chapter 2

The air around her was constricted, she tried to scream but there was no sound. The faces the noise the ignoring she existed. In her mind she pleaded, I'm hurting, please please don't do this don't do this. Then blackness. She waited, no one came, no one saw her, no one cared. She had just changed her life forever and for what. Why hadn't she listened to Connie? Where was she? She had promised she would be there, she wasn't. Her tears were hot and salty and pointless. She had made her decision. There was no going back. She decided it would haunt her. She determined she would never let herself be truly happy, she didn't deserve happiness. But wasn't that why she had done this, wasn't that the reason she let them take her precious tiny girl away. She couldn't believe no one heard her endless screaming. Bono did..............

Kit jumped up, her heart pounding. When would these dreams end? It had been 8 years. Her baby would be 8 in 4 hours.

Why had her visitor come at this time? Why was he pressuring her so, to take the new position. Too bad she knew the reasons. Too bad she didn't want him. Everything would be so much easier if that was the case.

Henry was the vice-president of her company, "It's Your Day". It was a large scale bridal store, that had shops up and down the east coast. There were rumors it was going towards the west coast, if some merger took place next year. This was the opportunity of a lifetime, Kit surely knew. She was the buyer for her state. This new position would have her moving to Vermont. She would be covering all the states from Virginia up.

Kit had met Henry Toller many times in the past 5 years she had been with the company. Her mistake, or maybe not, was letting their relationship go further than it should have. He was giving her this promotion, one she would have wanted, if it wasn't in Vermont and if she didn't know why she was targeted for it. Right now though she had to admit, she didn't care near as much about how it came to be offered to her. She loved her job and knew she was great at it and had no doubt she would excel at the new one. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to Henry. She had been drawn to him long before there was anything between them, but she knew or felt she could never love him. His visit that night had made her sure of it. In fact she almost loathed him now.

He had threatened her with her job if she didn't take it. Explaining how she would be closer to him and trying to guilt her about all the strings he pulled. It made her sick. And his timing, if he only knew.

Kit decided to get up and start her day. There was no way she was going to get anymore sleep. Bono brushed past her leg. It was as if that cat knew her moods and more than that, he cared. How sad was that. She only had a cat to worry about her. Sure Henry said he loved her. She knew that wasn't true. She had heard stories of his past affairs with the younger employees. It seemed like he had a pattern. Once you hit 29 or 30, he moved on to the younger 20's again. Yeah if she moved, what would she really have anyway, 5 or 6 years left.

Sometimes Kit hated men. Most times Kit hated men. And with good cause she was sure. Her father had left her when she was just 13 and then there was Neal. There was one knight in shining armor, one who Kit thought was truly in love with her, but she was not. That was proof she was a bad person. She had lead him on. The truth was she tried to love Mark, she wanted to love him. They were engaged. Kit broke off the engagement at the engagement party. She could be cold. She didn't know how not to be sometimes. Still she thought of Mark often and sometimes wished she hadn't done what she did. She had always been told by her mother, "always marry a man who loves you more than you love him". That hadn't worked out too well for her mother.

Kit's mother. Yes she had always loved her mother, but she would never, never like to think she was anything like her mother. Now her mother was gone. She had died 4 years ago, in a car accident. That was Kit's fault too, as she saw it. Her mother had called her that morning to ask if Kit could take her to the drug store. She wasn't feeling quite right and didn't want to drive. Kit would be late for work and had asked her if she could pick it up on her lunch break. Her mom said that would be fine. Why she didn't wait, Kit would never understand. She hit a bus no one was hurt but Kate, Kit's mom. She died the next day in the hospital.

This was going to be a hard day. The sun was shining, the air was crisp and there was the autumn fragrance in the air. Kit turned the key in the ignition and just sat there in her driveway crying. She had never once called in sick. But this day this birthday and Henry, the awful choice she felt she had to make. She dialed her boss and waited, hardly breathing, "hello Carol, I hate to call you with this, I mean you have been so good to me" her sobbing was uncontrollable now, "Carol I quit"

Monday, October 17, 2011

Autumn of the Heart


The wind was fierce as she forcefully pushed the massive solid oak door shut. She was glad to be home. She opened the tall cabinet, the one where she kept all of her spices, and herbs and of course her favorite drink, her teas. What would she have this blustery fall afternoon, apple spice, no maybe orange spice. Her mind wondered while waiting for the tea kettle to whistle. She loved to dip the tea bag up and down instead of just leaving it alone to steep.

What was she going to tell him. Yes, no probably not, but what and it had to be soon. Kit had lived here all of her life, how could she leave. The promotion had been offered to her at the worst time. She sipped her tea and tried to forget for a moment of the weighty decision she had to make.

Kit was for all intends and purposes alone, no one to answer to no one to help her make this choice. She started to feel sorry for herself, but how could she. She had been the one that had chosen her life, she didn't have to be by herself.

Why was she even wondering about the move, the promotion would lead her to make. What was really keeping her here, she knew.

Kit had been only 16, it was her childhood sweetheart. She thought they would always be together. Then there was the pregnancy. She had the baby, a little girl. She gave her up for adoption. The last she had heard anything was two weeks after the child was placed. The agency had contacted her to say that the parents would most likely live in the area for the rest of their lives, and that they would encourage "Tally" to find Kit if she wanted, when she was grown.

Kit had never tried to find Tally and deep inside she hoped Tally wouldn't try to find her. But there was this part of her that felt responsible still and this move that faced her felt like more of a desertion than her giving her up at birth.

Connie would understand if anyone could. Connie was Kit's oldest and best friend. She knew all about Tally. She had tried to get Kit to keep her, but it was no use. Connie had also dated Tally's birth father for a time. It was during one of the many break-ups Kit and Neal had. It almost ended their friendship. When things ended with Neal, Kit had been so thankful she had not let anything get between Connie and her.

For now all she wanted to do was to drink her tea, wrap herself in a blanket and cuddle with Bono, her cat. She snuggled up and let Bono rest on her stomach, as he was fond of. Boy she wished she had some of those almond cookies. Had she eaten them all? She nuzzled Bono off and walked into the tiny kitchen with the blanket still around her. Awwww yes there were still some left. She ate them like they were chocolate covered. Would she make anything for dinner. Not now. Maybe she would take a nap. She waddled back over to the sofa. She was about to plop back down when someone rang the doorbell.

She wasn't expecting anyone. She thought for a moment of removing the blanket, but the visitor's knocking was very rapid. Usually she would not have opened the door without asking who it was, but this time for some unknown reason she did. As she threw the door open, almost angry that they were knocking so often and partly worried that it was truly some emergency, she let the blanket drop to the cold floor. Kit, how long has it been. Too long.