Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Autumn of the Heart--chapter 2

The air around her was constricted, she tried to scream but there was no sound. The faces the noise the ignoring she existed. In her mind she pleaded, I'm hurting, please please don't do this don't do this. Then blackness. She waited, no one came, no one saw her, no one cared. She had just changed her life forever and for what. Why hadn't she listened to Connie? Where was she? She had promised she would be there, she wasn't. Her tears were hot and salty and pointless. She had made her decision. There was no going back. She decided it would haunt her. She determined she would never let herself be truly happy, she didn't deserve happiness. But wasn't that why she had done this, wasn't that the reason she let them take her precious tiny girl away. She couldn't believe no one heard her endless screaming. Bono did..............

Kit jumped up, her heart pounding. When would these dreams end? It had been 8 years. Her baby would be 8 in 4 hours.

Why had her visitor come at this time? Why was he pressuring her so, to take the new position. Too bad she knew the reasons. Too bad she didn't want him. Everything would be so much easier if that was the case.

Henry was the vice-president of her company, "It's Your Day". It was a large scale bridal store, that had shops up and down the east coast. There were rumors it was going towards the west coast, if some merger took place next year. This was the opportunity of a lifetime, Kit surely knew. She was the buyer for her state. This new position would have her moving to Vermont. She would be covering all the states from Virginia up.

Kit had met Henry Toller many times in the past 5 years she had been with the company. Her mistake, or maybe not, was letting their relationship go further than it should have. He was giving her this promotion, one she would have wanted, if it wasn't in Vermont and if she didn't know why she was targeted for it. Right now though she had to admit, she didn't care near as much about how it came to be offered to her. She loved her job and knew she was great at it and had no doubt she would excel at the new one. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to Henry. She had been drawn to him long before there was anything between them, but she knew or felt she could never love him. His visit that night had made her sure of it. In fact she almost loathed him now.

He had threatened her with her job if she didn't take it. Explaining how she would be closer to him and trying to guilt her about all the strings he pulled. It made her sick. And his timing, if he only knew.

Kit decided to get up and start her day. There was no way she was going to get anymore sleep. Bono brushed past her leg. It was as if that cat knew her moods and more than that, he cared. How sad was that. She only had a cat to worry about her. Sure Henry said he loved her. She knew that wasn't true. She had heard stories of his past affairs with the younger employees. It seemed like he had a pattern. Once you hit 29 or 30, he moved on to the younger 20's again. Yeah if she moved, what would she really have anyway, 5 or 6 years left.

Sometimes Kit hated men. Most times Kit hated men. And with good cause she was sure. Her father had left her when she was just 13 and then there was Neal. There was one knight in shining armor, one who Kit thought was truly in love with her, but she was not. That was proof she was a bad person. She had lead him on. The truth was she tried to love Mark, she wanted to love him. They were engaged. Kit broke off the engagement at the engagement party. She could be cold. She didn't know how not to be sometimes. Still she thought of Mark often and sometimes wished she hadn't done what she did. She had always been told by her mother, "always marry a man who loves you more than you love him". That hadn't worked out too well for her mother.

Kit's mother. Yes she had always loved her mother, but she would never, never like to think she was anything like her mother. Now her mother was gone. She had died 4 years ago, in a car accident. That was Kit's fault too, as she saw it. Her mother had called her that morning to ask if Kit could take her to the drug store. She wasn't feeling quite right and didn't want to drive. Kit would be late for work and had asked her if she could pick it up on her lunch break. Her mom said that would be fine. Why she didn't wait, Kit would never understand. She hit a bus no one was hurt but Kate, Kit's mom. She died the next day in the hospital.

This was going to be a hard day. The sun was shining, the air was crisp and there was the autumn fragrance in the air. Kit turned the key in the ignition and just sat there in her driveway crying. She had never once called in sick. But this day this birthday and Henry, the awful choice she felt she had to make. She dialed her boss and waited, hardly breathing, "hello Carol, I hate to call you with this, I mean you have been so good to me" her sobbing was uncontrollable now, "Carol I quit"

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