My Life as Lynn Proctor
Friday, July 26, 2019
Ode to summer
As I sit here sipping my second cup of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer I feel a little sad
I started to blog yesterday about my memories of summertime - I had trouble logging in so I didn't blog
What a difference a day makes
Yesterday I was going to lament about my sweet thoughts of peach picking with my grandmother
Trips to a trailer park to retrieve a lady's things- as she was moving in with us for a time-- good and bad recollections of that but always a shining memory of my child person
Climbing into the tiny house trailer-- sitting on the small hard sofa-- thinking how great it was and wondering why anyone would choose to leave such an enchanting place
But today the pumpkin spice is reminding me of the brevity of each season
And scolding me how I have hated summer in the past and rushed it away before it's time
A little ache is in my throat as summer seems to be waving goodbye
Tuesday, April 30, 2019
The Zipline of life

I was thinking how life's journey could be compared to the thrill and terror of a trip down a zipline
Sometimes it's exciting-- you get to see things from a different perspective
The way life goes by in a blink-- how you have to hold on for dear life
How your feet aren't always gonna stay on the ground
Sometimes life takes our breath away-- we forget to breathe or we realize our breathing is shallow
We miss some pretty important views -- but up there we get so much more of the whole picture
And even though we might come through with various cuts and scraps-- we most likely unstrap ourselves to find the ride was definitely worth it
Monday, April 29, 2019
Yearning

Although the definition lends itself to something you long for -- when I hear the word I think of a painful almost regretful feeling
I guess it is a longing to change things in the past and intense desire for something in the present or future
To me it doesn't sound hopeful but woeful--- like a bitter memory or experience
For sure there is passion behind some yearnings but I tend to see and feel an emptiness - a forlorn look back
Yearning represents the aching to go back - to change that result or to reach out and grab that lost opportunity
I'm not sure why I envision the past with the word yearning - it just seems to scream loss to me
Saturday, April 27, 2019
X-ray

What if an x-ray could see the soul- our intent our darkness
If it illuminated our purposes and our desires
Of course it would only be helpful if the physician could do something to heal our inner failures
Something they could give us to cure all of our demons
Our bones and organs are fair game to all the scrutiny of the techninians and specialists
It's a silly thought perhaps but how helpful it might be if by shining a light on our soul deformities we could rearrange the core of our existence
Friday, April 26, 2019
Wisdom

We all desire wisdom- insight-- pearls of it - words of it and years to gain it
Several years ago my daughter Robyn recorded much of a day with my dad-- listening to him tell stories and family orders as we took a day to drive him and mom around their childhood places
I wish we had done this with my mother before most of her mind was stolen by Alzheimer's
Mom had kept a story of sorts -- about some aspects of the family
But there are so many unanswered mysteries
As reseaching our ancestry I found out my grandmother had an older sister -- she died quite young-- I didn't remember hearing anything about her-- my dad doesn't know either- his mind now has the same thief as my mother
I've always thought I would make a documentary-- there have been many subjects I have contemplated tackling
One of them involved my church- basically picking those older members brains
Much of that population has left us and with their passing- the chance to gain their great wisdom
So if we are to be wise we must learn to listen and hear that invaluable wisdom that comes from living
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Vaccines

Okay don't get nervous-- I will admit I have not been a huge fan of them at times
Now I'm not an anti vax proponent but I'm not unagreeable to listening to the other side- and have studied much concerning this huge subject through the years
Several of my children were unable to receive certain vaccins due to their neurological conditions
But the leariness and cautious approach started with my healthy first born
He was just a couple of months old-- his dr checkup included his first inoculation--
That night he ran an extremely high fever
Also that night the national news was a buzz with a horrible story
Seems the exact vaccine that my son had gotten was responsible for sick babies and as I can recall at least 1 or 2 deaths
Some of the supply had been tainted-- I was frantic-- his pediatrician assured me his vial could not have been affected
So I'm sure this rude awakening to error and the times of purposeful tampering of all kinds of meds and foods fed my fears and encouraged my many questions through these years
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
Useless

Some things possibly could be useless
Most things are not
I suppose looking backwards too much might appear useless but what if we discover something new in that glance back- perhaps a great mystery solved
Is it useless to worry - the Bible tells us it is-- I guess it can even be called a useless sin
Some items that once served a great purpose have become obsolete useless
One that doesn't always go with the flow of the masses opinion of a life that holds
value-- can be deemed useless
Why is it after we've given all we have to someone or tried our best at a task only to reach suspected failure-- that we finally proclaim it's useless
Was it? What became of the energy that went into that great trial that didn't seem to work out-- isn't all of that effort still there inside of you- proving nothing is useless
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