Ode to summer

As I sit here sipping my second cup of coffee with pumpkin spice creamer I feel a little sad

I started to blog yesterday about my memories of summertime - I had trouble logging in so I didn't blog

What a difference a day makes
Yesterday I was going to lament about my sweet thoughts of peach picking with my grandmother

Trips to a trailer park to retrieve a lady's things- as she was moving in with us for a time-- good and bad recollections of that but always a shining memory of my child person

Climbing into the tiny house trailer-- sitting on the small hard sofa-- thinking how great it was and wondering why anyone would choose to leave such an enchanting place

But today the pumpkin spice is reminding me of the brevity of each season
And scolding me how I have hated summer in the past and rushed it away before it's time

A little ache is in my throat as summer seems to be waving goodbye

The Zipline of life

I was thinking how life's journey could be compared to the thrill and terror of a trip down a zipline

Sometimes it's exciting-- you get to see things from a different perspective

The way life goes by in a blink-- how you have to hold on for dear life

How your feet aren't always gonna stay on the ground

Sometimes life takes our breath away-- we forget to breathe or we realize our breathing is shallow

We miss some pretty important views -- but up there we get so much more of the whole picture

And even though we might come through with various cuts and scraps-- we most likely unstrap ourselves to find the ride was definitely worth it

Yearning

Although the definition lends itself to something you long for -- when I hear the word I think of a painful almost regretful feeling

I guess it is a longing to change things in the past and intense desire for something in the present or future

To me it doesn't sound hopeful but woeful--- like a bitter memory or experience

For sure there is passion behind some yearnings but I tend to see and feel an emptiness - a forlorn look back

Yearning represents the aching to go back - to change that result or to reach out and grab that lost opportunity

I'm not sure why I envision the past with the word yearning - it just seems to scream loss to me

X-ray

What if an x-ray could see the soul- our intent our darkness

If it illuminated our purposes and our desires

Of course it would only be helpful if the physician could do something to heal our inner failures

Something they could give us  to cure all of our demons

Our bones and organs are fair game to all the scrutiny of the techninians and specialists

It's a silly thought perhaps but how helpful it might be if by shining a light on our soul deformities we could rearrange the core of our existence

Wisdom

We all desire wisdom- insight-- pearls of it - words of it and years to gain it

Several years ago my daughter Robyn recorded much of a day with my dad-- listening to him tell stories and family orders as we took a day to drive him and mom around their childhood places

I wish we had done this with my mother before most of her mind was stolen by Alzheimer's

Mom had kept a story of sorts -- about some aspects of the family

But there are so many unanswered mysteries

As reseaching our ancestry I found out my grandmother had an older sister -- she died quite young-- I didn't remember hearing anything about her-- my dad doesn't know either- his mind now has the same thief as my mother

I've always thought I would make a documentary-- there have been many subjects I have contemplated tackling

One of them involved my church- basically picking those older members brains

Much of that population has left us and with their passing- the chance to gain their great wisdom

So if we are to be wise we must learn to listen and hear that invaluable wisdom that comes from living

Vaccines

Okay don't get nervous-- I will admit I have not been a huge fan of them at times

Now I'm not an anti vax proponent but I'm not unagreeable to listening to the other side- and have studied much concerning this huge subject through the years

Several of my children were unable to receive certain vaccins due to their neurological conditions

But the leariness and cautious approach started with my healthy first born

He was just a couple of months old-- his dr checkup included his first inoculation--

That night he ran an extremely high fever

Also that night the national news was a buzz with a horrible story
Seems the exact vaccine that my son had gotten was responsible for sick babies and as I can recall at least 1 or 2 deaths

Some of the supply had been tainted-- I was frantic-- his pediatrician assured me his vial could not have been affected

So I'm sure this rude awakening to error and the times of purposeful tampering of all kinds of meds and foods fed my fears and encouraged my many questions through these years

Useless

Some things possibly could be useless

Most things are not

I suppose looking backwards too much might appear useless but what if we discover something new in that glance back- perhaps a great mystery solved

Is it useless to worry - the Bible tells us it is-- I guess it can even be called a useless sin

Some items that once served a great purpose have become obsolete useless

One that doesn't always go with the flow of the masses opinion of a life that holds
value-- can be deemed useless

Why is it after we've given all we have to someone or tried our best at a task only to reach suspected failure-- that we finally proclaim it's useless

Was it? What became of the energy that went into that great trial that didn't seem to work out-- isn't all of that effort still there inside of you- proving nothing is useless