coming back

drip drip----she pushed the faucet tighter---it was only a matter of time before it broke completely and then what would she do----the valves were already broken--

what was that coffee that used to taste so much better than this stuff she spooned into her cup---oh yeah---it started tasting funny---they must have changed it----but why-----maybe some people liked it better

so many ideas fleeted through her sleepy brain and she couldn't really grasp any for more than an instant

should she do some of the things that interested her---they didn't hold the same interest though----

okay---enjoy this day, make your dreams come true---you're still young-----no one sees your naked body anymore anyway

 boy, if that inkling she felt about her mother at this age, had fully been known----but what could she have said to her-----only listened more to her silence

and how she recalls the times she searched and searched for that dream house, an old house---with the man she felt could do anything---she would follow him anywhere----how her mother shared, she too had this dream once and that she should do it then, or she never would

but it didn't matter to her now---she was actually glad she hadn't----for if she had, she wouldn't be looking through the listings for the lost dreams of yesterday, to hunt for with her young man of days long ago and younger man than the days hopefully to come

and as she read each romantic description of someone's home they were leaving, the dripping became beautiful background music

again

delicate flower please make your appearance----don't let me hold my swallowed breath any longer

hold me until my blood runs warmer than it's usual composition-----i won't break

ask me and i will share----question me and i will run-----is it too much to want-----how do i know

so love and life and emotions get all turned around---i know that somewhere there is constancy and completeness---i won't give up----i have no choice but to continue

of all the times in ones life----the sweet and the bitter----that stirring remains----

sometimes it chokes and smothers---others, it calms and protects

so open little blossom of hope in my waiting spirit and let me inhale again

today i come to you as a mom and would ask you to please be in prayer, if you believe in prayer---

as some of you might have noticed, i have had someone and something weighing heavily on my heart and soul for the past months-

i am sorry i cannot talk about it---it could hurt people if i did----but please just know, i am asking you to pray as you would for a child of your own----that's how i try to pray anyway----i ask myself, what would i want prayed if it were my son or daughter---

i believe in prayer and the power of connected prayer---thank you

ode to a day in august

today as i attempt to share a bit of my brain's recollections and feelings, i find myself going back in time, to a day, i must admit, i barely remember---but for some reason, my heart and thoughts go back there more than i can say----

it's funny on a cold gray february day such as today or maybe not---that my daydreams and glimpses of history, go back to a day when i must have been no older than eight---

my maternal grandmother and my mom and siblings, went peach picking----i could not tell you, where it was, although i know it was not far out---it seems like it was maybe only miles from my grandmother's house, which was in the northside of my city-----

it must have been august---i recall it was very hot--but i don't see it as the hottest of that summer's days----

and i don't think i was having a particularly happy day, as it unfolded---but something in that day----calls me back, over and over and tells me that it was something, beautiful about that day, maybe even magical---how i wish, i knew what it was--

the day evidently made such an impact on me, that through the years i had inquired more than once, if my mother remembered anything much from that day--she hadn't--

as a child, i wasn't even fond of peaches--and today, it is not one of my favorite fruits, not even liking fruit all that much anyway----but when my mind thinks of something refreshing, i think of those peaches--

the thought of them---brings a peace and a connection with summer, like only a few memories do----

i see my grandmother, reaching and talking----she was all about nature and fishing and flowers----

to be honest--as a writer should try to be, though in kindness, when it is on reality------going to that grandmother's was not always as exciting--and sometimes evoked a little dread-----it may have had something to do with the way my grandmother dealt with me----she would scold me and tell me how bad i was being and believe me, i was----but with my other grandmother, it was different-----i don't think, she ever corrected me or thought she could maybe---but i loved them both, almost the same---any difference, i cannot measure--

oh to go back to that day for real--and though it's true, how some times are better left in the recesses of our subconscious---i think this day would more than hold up--