the Christmas play :(

the last few days i have been sharing Christmas memories as my statuses on facebook----
today i have one that i just can't seem to let go of---or should i say the thought that i am to write about it--
i felt it would be better to share it in this forum----

tonight is one of my granddaughter's preschool Christmas programs----which may have pricked this unpleasant memory---

way back---and the funny thing is i can't remember if it was first grade or second-----there was a school Christmas play-----everyone in my class was in it or at least in the chorus---everyone but me--

of course i have recalled this many times during my life---but yesterday as it flashed back into my consciouness---it puzzled me--maybe more than it ever has-----

i can see myself now---sitting with my mother---as the parents were invited to see this wondrous production---but her child was not in it---i was only beside her clapping at the appropriate times and dying a little each time my class did any of their parts---

frank says i need therapy----but i am not too scarred from it---i don't think----just still wondering at why--

the only thing i remember for sure, is the teacher telling my mom that my voice did not blend in---

now let me defend myself----haha i am defending myself how many years later----therapy--maybe--

i ususally don't out and out brag on myself---but when push come to you know what, i will---and as i get older, i find it easier to admit when i am good at something-

i did have a solo voice for sure----my oldest sister was always in plays and beauty pageants---i was forever singing all the songs she would perform------it was almost weekly during the show and tell time in class, to find me sharing my talent---often times other teachers and it wouldn't have been unusual for the school principal to come in to hear me-

now as i continue to defend myself---i have to assure you, i had a very nice voice-----i was told i had perfect pitch----and so on----i am sounding like an idiot aren't i---

well there you have it---Christmas time can bring out all kinds of lovely and horrid memories---

i suppose, the main thing that i ask myself, is how did my mother allow this to happen---i am certainly not angry with my poor mom----but just still bewildered----i mean--my mom was not a confrontational type--but if you slighted one of her children----well let's just say---you thought long and hard about ever doing it again-----

so i gotta remember it this way----my own therapy-----i must have been too embarressed to tell my mom---she must not have known i wasn't in the play until she got there----she "inquired" as to the stupid reason and was told the voice thing---

oh well---i went on to star in many productions through the years and later wrote and directed many children in many plays------and i always adopted this policy------any kid who came along--even on the day of the play---was given a part---even if it was only a walk on------it just makes sense------what could it hurt---