Friday, December 7, 2012

the Christmas play :(

the last few days i have been sharing Christmas memories as my statuses on facebook----
today i have one that i just can't seem to let go of---or should i say the thought that i am to write about it--
i felt it would be better to share it in this forum----

tonight is one of my granddaughter's preschool Christmas programs----which may have pricked this unpleasant memory---

way back---and the funny thing is i can't remember if it was first grade or second-----there was a school Christmas play-----everyone in my class was in it or at least in the chorus---everyone but me--

of course i have recalled this many times during my life---but yesterday as it flashed back into my consciouness---it puzzled me--maybe more than it ever has-----

i can see myself now---sitting with my mother---as the parents were invited to see this wondrous production---but her child was not in it---i was only beside her clapping at the appropriate times and dying a little each time my class did any of their parts---

frank says i need therapy----but i am not too scarred from it---i don't think----just still wondering at why--

the only thing i remember for sure, is the teacher telling my mom that my voice did not blend in---

now let me defend myself----haha i am defending myself how many years later----therapy--maybe--

i ususally don't out and out brag on myself---but when push come to you know what, i will---and as i get older, i find it easier to admit when i am good at something-

i did have a solo voice for sure----my oldest sister was always in plays and beauty pageants---i was forever singing all the songs she would perform------it was almost weekly during the show and tell time in class, to find me sharing my talent---often times other teachers and it wouldn't have been unusual for the school principal to come in to hear me-

now as i continue to defend myself---i have to assure you, i had a very nice voice-----i was told i had perfect pitch----and so on----i am sounding like an idiot aren't i---

well there you have it---Christmas time can bring out all kinds of lovely and horrid memories---

i suppose, the main thing that i ask myself, is how did my mother allow this to happen---i am certainly not angry with my poor mom----but just still bewildered----i mean--my mom was not a confrontational type--but if you slighted one of her children----well let's just say---you thought long and hard about ever doing it again-----

so i gotta remember it this way----my own therapy-----i must have been too embarressed to tell my mom---she must not have known i wasn't in the play until she got there----she "inquired" as to the stupid reason and was told the voice thing---

oh well---i went on to star in many productions through the years and later wrote and directed many children in many plays------and i always adopted this policy------any kid who came along--even on the day of the play---was given a part---even if it was only a walk on------it just makes sense------what could it hurt---

30 comments:

  1. That teacher should have fired! I am apppalled at how often I hear of "choir trauma" at the hands of so-called music teachers. WTF? Perhaps you are taking care of your own therapy. Clearly, you used your talents in other ways. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It was wrong. I'm like you when I direct something, EVERYONE gets a part.
    Hugs.

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    1. haha i know----that's why this whole memory puzzles me so---i know my mom must have been madder than a wet hen---thanks mary :)

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  2. Oh Lynn, as a voice teacher, there are so many thoughts I have in response to this. It sounds like what you had was what my sister and I refer to as, "Choir Trauma." I have helped many adult students get over this. What's different about yours is that you went on to use your voice. Most close their mouths and never sing again until they bravely walk into my studio one day. I think it's also so great that you have supported all kids that come your way. That is really how teachers must act. It is so unfortunate that there was a time in music-teacher history where it was acceptable behavior for comments such as, "you don't fit it," and "just mouth the words" to be spoken. It sounds like you've done your own therapy throughout the years. Maybe you are much farther along on the healing than you think. Thanks for sharing your story. Blessings.

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    1. i wish you had of been my teacher---i always did love to sing and almost did it for a living--thanks for your smart insights joy :)

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  3. Oh my gosh; never heard of a child not being part of their class' play like this. I can see why it would "haunt" you after all these years Lynn! I think you were wise when you had the chance to make sure "no child was left behind" (or no child had to sit with their parents during the play).

    betty

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    1. thanks betty--i guess you are right with the word haunt, it does---but i will survive haha :)

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  4. Well, I am so glad you survived that and went on the pursue your talents inspite of that horrid teacher! I'm impressed that you found the strength to go on and use and pursue the wonderful talent that God gave you. The happy part of all this is that it shows that you have fortitude and perseverance! There is a certain strength inside of you!

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    1. thank you monica---i know it is only by God's grace and i think He made me that way---i always had a certain confidence in my talents even though i really didn't get too much encouragement :)

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  5. That's so sad. I agree that every child should have a part. Good for you for using your talent now!

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    1. well i have to admit i am not doing any of it now dana, but thanks :)

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  6. I hope all the mean teachers have died and been given classes of mean children. They go way back...I had one in sixth grade. My revenge was calling her Miss Hornhead behind her back. (Miss Horning!)

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    1. haha you're too funny but it's true--if ya don't want to be a teacher, don't--thanks joanne :)

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  7. Teachers and early school experiences can have long lasting effects on children. You may be experiencing the melancholy that can surface this time of year, along with less light, and longer nights.

    Power through, but remember to be kind to yourself.

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    1. oh i am okay it was just a memory that came to me and i thought it might make an interesting post---and that is always great advice to be kind to one's self!! thanks d.g. :)

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  8. You're a born soloist - a shining star! Don't feel bad about not fitting in. It just meant you were extra special - not one to blend in!

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    1. haha i love you!! what a way to look at it---and well i guess i haven't ever really blended in too well--thanks sherry :)

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  9. Blend in? What's wrong with standing out?

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    1. haha nothing most of the time---love it ms. a ;)

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  10. I reckon some teachers attitude leaves a lot to be desired at times.

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  11. The teacher who made that comment about your voice sounds unprofessional... unfortunately, I too have stories to share of teachers who haven't been kind or fair. So you're not alone. What I'm glad to hear is that you didn't let this one incident define you, that you've gone on to do wonderful things with your voice.

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    1. thank you cynthia---i really don't do too much any more with my voice---but i did for a time:)

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  12. Isn't it amazing what we hold on to as memories when we get older, good and bad? *sigh*

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  13. My heart breaks for you. I know you've since moved on, but that teacher still sucks! I was left out of a volleyball game (on accident by the coach once) and it still bothers me sometimes. My whole family came out to watch and I sat on the bench the entire time. Things like that do leave a lasting impression!

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    1. thanks theresa--awww i feel for you on that game thing---that's sad---but we will be okay huh ;)

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  14. I know what you mean. I have a sneaking suspicion that people give parts to children to build their esteem and figured you didn't need it.

    I also currently know how you feel. It's the reason why I stopped choir singing and will now focus on going solo. I'm a dramatic soprano. Or at least a half dramatic soprano. With perfect pitch. And a good voice. Problem is, I can blast the rest of my choir right out of the water. So I'm not allowed to stretch in choir, because if I sing descant, no one would hear the melody. And I have to swallow three quarters of my voice in order to blend. And because of politics within the choir scene, I'd never be chosen as a soloist for as long as I'm in the choir.

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    1. that's awful--you would think a good choir leader would want to use your nice voice--i hope that changes--thanks misha :)

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  15. one of the reasons we left private the school was the opposite! I saw all the attention my daughter was given, like she was anointed, while the other kids got ignored and left behind...kind of twisted I know..but every kid realized what was going on...and it was not right.

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    1. i hear ya annmarie---when i did the Christmas play and other dramas at church, i was always aware of putting my kids in the spotlight--if they did have a starring role, it was only because no one else wanted to do it ;)

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