Monday, October 19, 2020

Alone again

 Today I had to do something for the first time without Frank again


There have been many and will continue- this one I have been dreading 


Since my first daughter Ashley was born with special needs - we have seen the same pediatric neurologist 


Miller sees him too - 

On these visits for Miller- Frank would take the day off to assist— usually Miller would have several doctors appointments in the same day 

Most times- Frank and I would merely wait in a couple of comfy chairs just a floor away from his drs

Frank would walk down to the hospital Starbucks and get us coffee or sometimes I would get hot tea

Always we would venture in the gift shop- perhaps picking up a birthday gift for my aunt or unusual Christmas gift for someone and we would try to find a little toy for Miller 

The majority of the time was spent just chatting about our kids and grandkids- or Frank trying to read to me out of one of the half dozen of books he would bring along 

I don’t particularly care to be read to and he knew it but was ever ready to share the thoughtful things he had noticed and excitedly repeated 

As I planned out today in my heart and head- I knew it would be emotional and sad for me and Robyn 

I have never been to see this dr without Frank by my side- he had been without me at times

I occasionally spoke with this dr in a hospital setting when Frank was not there

So I did it- it was just as hard as I thought it would be but uneventful 

I didn’t cry until I came home

6 comments:

  1. My friend, you have so many people around you who love and support hyou. I know you feel alone--but you aren't! All of us who care are with you.

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    1. I wish I knew who you are but thank you all the same- I appreciate your kind words ❤️

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  2. I haven't grieved a spouse but have grieved a mother; I know its not the same, but I know the year of firsts is a hard one. I'm sure there will be other "firsts" you have to go through in the days/weeks/months ahead without Frank and I'm sorry for it. It never gets easier I think either.

    betty

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  3. Thanks so much Betty- I hope you’re doing well!!❤️🙏

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  4. My heart hurts so much for you. (((HUGS)))

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