november 2

hi- it's been awhile- i guess i'm not a very disciplined writer lately-

well there hasn't been too much going on- my mother is getting a lot worse- some days she doesn't even know me when i call-

i've been thinking about how strange it is , when people change- when life changes- things ya think will always be the same - will always be there- go -people get sick- people have accidents- people die-
i remember my mother as such a strong person and funny- sometimes she is funny now but mostly she is just sad-

i've had to question myself as to why i have not been very sad- at times i am but most of the time, i just accept it as a part of life- recently i have been praying more for her to be healed- i mean why not - why wouldn't God decide to heal her-i think God can do anything He wants- i think we are commanded to pray for healing- not losing faith when the healing doesn't look like we thought it would-

we haven't been to church the last 2 Sundays- something important for our daughter to attend kept us away yesterday and the week before we went to see "timmy"- it had rained on saturday - that kind of visit does him little good- he loves to go outside--
even though we didn't plan to stay away from church ,to step back and think and pray - it has given us some new insights - we still want to serve God of course and we want a youth group for robyn- but we don't want to rush God -he will lead us where He wants us to be-

i have found myself becoming more and more healed about the bad things that were done and said about us at our last church- it's like who cares- i mean i have had children die- how much could any of this garbage hurt-

life is all about change and if ya don't change with it and embrace it you are the big loser- beauty is all around us if we choose to see it- maybe that is why, sometimes when i see my once strong busy mother, shuffling along ,barely knowing where she is- i see a beauty in her that was never there before and i smile at her memory-