virginia ashley would have been 26

ashley died when she was 17-- it was just over a week before Christmas--

ashley was my first girl, i hadn't known what i was having, i had 2 boys so we were very happy about it- it did not take long to figure out something was very wrong--and so it began-

many years of believing God would heal her and i do believe He answered my prayers- just not the way i had thought it would be-

she was so beautiful and sweet-

she loved to laugh the first 5 or 6 years of her life--then later not so much-

i definitely had plans for her that didn't come true, but i always struggled with the idea of not wanting her to feel she was not the way i wanted her to be-but if any child is sick i know any parent would pray for healing- it was just not easy to come to terms with the dreams i had to let go and maybe she did--i still feel guilty to say at all that i didn't want her to be just the way she was--if you have been reading my blogs , you know i went on to have more children who had the same thing as ashley--

it wasn't as hard with them to accept them and to not always be thinking they would be healed-- i still always prayed that they all would--

ashley i love you and want you to know you were just the way God planned for you to be, i don't know why and i didn't want it that way for you -- i hope your life wasn't too unhappy -- i love you<3

dylan

today is my 6th grandchild's (and my 4th granddaughter) 2nd birthday- she was going to have her party today but she and her sister,rylee were not feeling too well , so we will all celebrate next saturday-

she is of course a very beautiful little girl- she really reminds me of my son when he was little and her disposition is much like his also, very laid back and quiet-

she has the biggest eyes , which people say come from my side of the family-

she is a joy to all who know her--she is very funny in her quiet way--we are still laughing about how at Christmas, we went with them to see santa --well she wasn't too sure about him and she said--"santa's not nice santa's raaaaaaww" - as she made a clawing sign with her hands- yes she is another joy that the Lord has blessed our family with- i hope this next year is full of wonderful things for our little dylan<3

taxi

i've been looking up music the last couple of days- music from my past-when i was somewhere between 15 and 21- probably my favorite was "taxi" by the late harry chapin- i have been crying as i listened to it, i'm not really sure why, but it has stirred up so many feelings -

harry died in 1981, as he was going to a world hunger benefit concert-- his song "taxi" talks about a guy who drives a taxi and this one night he picks up his last fare for the night- it is an old girlfriend- she doesn't recognize him at first- she has married up in life- he talks about she was going to be an actress and he was going to learn to fly-and she's "acting" happy inside her handsome home and he, he's flying in his taxi taking tips and getting stoned- he goes flying so high when he's stoned-

to me it has always been one of the saddest songs- a song of regret and life not turning out and dreams not fulfilled---as i was looking this song up i discovered the "sequel" to "taxi"- i listened to it - it didn't really answer things for me and i kinda wish he hadn't written it--

i too was gonna be an actress and a song writer--life doesn't always turn out -rarely the way we see it at 15 or even 20--but sometimes there remains a part of us that hold that dream just beneath the surface of our emotions and something as simple as a song will bring it all pouring back into our souls and so it has been with my dear "taxi"- i miss you harry chapin<3

wow i haven't been writing for a long time!

hello -hope all are doing well- today finds richmond va with beautiful spring like weather- it is sooo nice to see and feel!

robyn has had another dance comp since i have written- it was fun- did spend the last night in the hotel room throwing up but other than that it was good-- she is going to have her last comp this coming weekend- this one is really kinda neat- it's small and the dance teachers come to our dance studio on sunday and teach our girls privately-the comp is called nyla and has teachers from new york and la.

we planted grass seed yesterday and are hoping for the best- would like to have some grass for the easter egg hunt--

we also sowed some other seeds yesterday- we are waiting expectantly--

kelli and robyn and i are still working on plans for adie and dustin's baby shower--it's coming along- should be fun--the girls from adie's work are throwing her one this coming weekend , i hope she has enjoys it-


my mom is not doing any better, really--i plan to take dinner over tomorrow night--nothing exciting- probably tuna casserole ,cabbage ,and brownies-


oh yeah, i think i told you guys how adie had an agent reading some of her book and how they had asked for more- well they passed - she is still sending it out, though--

colin and kelli have been re-doing some of their house-i think they are going to make the whole house over before they are through--new pink bath for girls looks really good--

robyn and i have started a fb page-group-- for kids that used to be in our neighborhood and hung out all the time - mainly when my 2 oldest boys were young- a lot of them still keep in close touch and a few of them still live in the hood--i had always planned to do a documentary on the group- still want to-- need a camera--we'll see

working it out, peace<3