Thursday, November 1, 2012

good-byes

aunt alice's funeral was yesterday and with her passing came the end of an era in my family's life--

her services were not in the little frame church, that still graces the grounds, but in their new facility---not at all like i had envisioned it----time marches on--

we rode past my grandmother's house afterward and alice's house, which is just a couple of lots away----

finally the new owners were taking down the old shingles from my grandmother's house----how i wished i had gotten back in---one more time----maybe taken the old ornate space heater in the dining room---or that gorgeous deer in the snow scene front door-----if only-

i have many things from my grandmother's house---not really anything from my uncle elwin and alice though----a dear friend of alice's told me as i was leaving the church---if alice's brother didn't want all of the family(my side)pictures, she would send them to me----

this lady actually took care of my aunt alice until she had to be placed in the nursing home---she is her sister's sister-in-law----she is such a special person---her sister was saying yesterday, how she was an angel in disguise---i told her, that i didn't think she was disguised too well--

we drove past the two little frame bridges as we left the church yard----the waters always scared me as a child--and i shuttered a little as they creaked and swayed--

as we passed the reservoir, i felt that old feeling, it was cloudy and i was hungry and chilled-----i remembered those winter days--arriving at grandmother's house---the old wood stove she cooked on--the one i have now, just sitting in my kitchen---no use, just reminding me-----i could feel how i felt, as a child---how after dinner, if it were really cold and looked at all like there could be the possibility of snow--

i would huddle up on my grandmother's old iron bed and dreamily peer out those cold windows----just knowing i wouldn't have school the next morning--

my sister got out as we passed by alice's--she was going to take a picture---i rolled my window down, telling her we were going on---i had taken pictures not too long ago anyway----

we did move on and on down the road and i found myself not looking back at those waving hands ---only remembering them in my fondest glimpses of yesterday-----

44 comments:

  1. It is always a sad time saying goodbye to those we dearly loved. It is comforting that you have memories though of them that you can hopefully share with your kids and grands to keep their memories "alive" a bit longer.

    betty

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    1. it is a sad time---but i do love story telling and at least robyn love hearing them haha--thanks betty :)

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  2. You have sweet memories . . . families are forever!

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  3. Saying goodbye is never easy. I usually write about what they've meant to me. It eases the pain. I'm always glad when I've taken photos to remember the place or person.

    Old fears (like the bridges) surface when we feel vulnerable.

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    1. no it never gets easier---yes writing does help---and wonderful photos---very insightful about the bridges--thanks d.g. :)

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  4. We recognize the passing of eras with the death of one of an older generation, but I'm always amazed how much one person leaving affects our lives. We often are like planets that go out of orbit and need to find new ways to circle and relate to each other.

    Your piece was lovely to read.

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    1. your comment is so beautiful!! thank you :)

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  5. My sympathies to you and your family. This was a wonderfully written post. Memories are precious.

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    1. thank you so much christine--yes our memories sustain us :)

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  6. Hi Lynn,

    Always hard to say goodbye to loved ones.
    Sending my sincere condolences to you and great to remember the happy memories and times you spent with your Grandmother and Aunt.

    Hugs
    Carolyn

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    1. thank you so much for the condolences and the hugs carolyn :)

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  7. I remember the last days of vacations, waving goodbye to my grandparents as we drove away. There were always tears. Looking back, it's much easier to remember the goodbye tears, knowing there would be more visits to come. Those days are long gone and so are they. I miss them. Final goodbyes were the hardest.

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    1. oh yes they are---i was very lucky though, as a child we saw my grandmother almost every other weekend :)

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  8. Very sorry for your loss. You take care of yourself.

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  9. So heartfelt and so well written. You have such a knack with words. May your Aunt's soul rest in peace :-)

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    1. why thank you monica and i am sure she is at great peace now :)

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  10. Lynn, my heart goes out to you. This was such a poignant recollection of something so intimate. I can see you as a little girl knowing there will be no school and snuggling in under the knowledge of that like a blanket.

    My condolences.

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    1. yes it was usually school the next day though--thanks so much suze <3

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  11. Your words hurt my heart a little today. Hope you hold those memories close.

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    1. thank you so much susan and i shall :)

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  12. Lynn, I is so hard to lose a loved one from the older generation. I very sweet tribute and memories. Laura

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    1. yes, she brings that part--"going to the country"--to an end--thanks laura :)

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  13. Bittersweet memories -- they swarm us at funerals and overwhelm us at cemeteries. Looking back, I wish I had taken more pictures, asked more questions, listened to more stories...

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    1. yes always---we wish for more connections---thank you patricia :)

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  14. Over the years I have lost my parents, grandparents and several childhood friends. It came to the point where I thought I had no tears left. I was wrong. My dog who is very old now was taken ill last week and I thought he was dying.

    It turns out he was in a lot of pain for who knows how long but being the brave little soldier he is, he never complained. It appears he suffered in silence and finally didn't want to live anymore because of the pain.

    He is now on permanent medication which takes away the pain but I know I must prepare myself again. Grief has no boundaries. I thought the loss of a dog cannot be compared to that of a human it's not true.

    My thoughts were never to get close to anyone or anything again, that way I couldn't hurt anymore. Then I thought about the happy times and all the adventures we have had together. It is only those true moments of joy that make the loss so hard to bear.

    Would I sacrifice all that happiness to avoid the tears? I thought long and hard before realising the answer is a resounding NO in every case. The pain of loss subsides, the joy is there forever.

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    1. beautifully said jp---i am glad your dear doggy has the meds it needs to be pain free---good to hear from ya :)

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  15. This is such a sad post, but so beautifully written. I am glad that you have those photos and memories to hold on to. So sorry for your loss!

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    1. i am very blessed to have them---thank you theresa

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  16. So sorry for your loss, Lynn. You have so many lovely memories though. You are blessed in that regard. When the elderly pass on, it really is as though that time of life is gone, the era, the culture of when that person lived. Pictures are so helpful to preserve all that. As sad as funerals are, they are often a time to reunite w/ family and realize how special they are.

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    1. it is a time to reunite and sad to say, there aren't as many occasions where so much of the family sees each other anymore---thank you mare

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  17. It's so hard to say goodbye. I'm sorry for your loss!

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  18. Just stopping to say that I am sorry for your loss. My aunt died two years ago and we had a very special going home for her filled with memories. My mom misses her sister very much and we often talk of memories which helps lift my mom's spirits.

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  19. thanks so much---yes talking about all of those great memories does help a lot :)

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  20. Lynn, I lost both my mother and my grandmother in the past year, so I totally get this post. And thanks--I feel like you are echoing what is on my heart. Embracing these "glimpses" is a beautiful thing, truly...

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    1. oh i am truly sorry meredith---yes i think that is all we can do---move forward with the beauty and warmth of our comforting memories--thank you meredith <3

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  21. sorry for your loss.
    may she rest in peace.

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  22. Sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
    Hugs,
    Marie

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    1. thanks marie--and thanks for the hugs :)

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  23. I'm so sorry about your Aunt Alice. This was beautifully written with a heartfelt ending. Julie

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  24. A heart-felt snapshot of those special moments, Lynn. Wonderfully expressed.

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