just writing

well our family finally made the decision to leave our church- the one we have always gone to - i like to say i went there before i was born, as my parents are charter members--it was time

a lot of bad things had gotten in the way these last couple of years--my friend says it's way past due, our leaving and that she thinks God was trying to make us leave--probably so-

still it's going to be somewhat hard to leave the familiar and all-

kinda funny, my husband, frank was just about to call and talk to the people he needed to , about resigning different jobs, when the phone rang --it was a lady at church- she had called to tell frank that the church was replacing him as superintendent of sunday school- he had to laugh-- because we had already decided to leave

i hope we find where God wants us soon- but i have to say visiting last Sunday at a new church wasn't as hard as i had thought it would be--it's kind of exciting and freeing-

if you're reading this ,please be in pray for us --

day with grand-daughter

today i kept my second to youngest grand-daughter - robyn and i decided , despite the rain we would take her to walmart to shop and have lunch-she seemed to enjoy herself--she kills me though- she is just so funny -i don't know why, she just is--

she insisted mama and daddy had a new car- was hoping that was true, but it wasn't --

robyn and i split our usual tuna sub and little (gotta remember to ask kids if they mind me using names - i'll call her dana ) dana got a hot dog-

i got the other grand kids clothes i found on sale - there were no sizes for her so she got a light up pumpkin thing, to take trick or treating

little sideline now -- the other day i was having lunch with my son- robyn was telling him about the costume she was gonna wear on halloween--and he said -gee that's funny , mom never let us go trick or treating--i felt so bad-- it was mostly true---you see when he was little i had this big religious conviction about not celebrating Halloween--you get older, ya change- but still felt the guilt--oh well not a thing i can do to change that--

it was a nice day- dana had the most fun playing with my shells i have sitting around in different containers--seems she's stolen quite a few - according to my son --he's like- mom please don't send her home with anymore shells--and really mom,just why did you bring the kids beach glass- no we didn't let them have it--

well not much more to say-- i'm planning to go read the rest of my daughter-in -law's book she has written- can't wait--grand kids are fun- i recommend them to everyone

so i haven't written in a few part 2--and still nobody cares :(

boy it's true -writers do hit dry spots- but they say true writers just keep on writing , even if it's just a few lines a day
i remember when i wrote my first (what i consider ) real book --more like a short novel or really loonng short story--anyway- i couldn't stop writing, i would even be up in the night - it just flowed- like i couldn't stop it if i had wanted to--not so much like that lately--thinking about life too much i guess-

i want to go ahead and make the mark i was put here to make--and it may just be my mark is making sacrifices--and that's okay--if i know what they are--you read so much about doing what you are passionate about--but is that always possible--maybe not in certain times of our lives-

maybe our passions can change to something easier - passion doesn't always have to be a struggle - does it ?

why do we want to live out our dreams-but also fit in with society or i least i find my self still fighting myself this way--as the Bible says we are to live in this world but not be of it and we are not suppose to love the things of this world--but it's very hard to keep going in this world ,sometimes without the "things" of this world--

i really hate the crap i'm writing lately- but i'm trying to not give up on this stupid blog--

what if i'm on the verge of a great breakthrough- a breakthrough to what i don't know - heck i don't even know what a breakthrough would look like--or if it would mean anything if it came-"fish world "is so much easier -never mind that---one day all i will be concerned with will be -will be -well ,will be probably nothing even similar to my silly questions and concerns today--"vanity, vanity , all is vanity"

okay so i haven't written-does anybody care====

hi there- it's tuesday and i'm making my parents dinner again--kinda getting in a routine--making pork short ribs -broccoli rice and broccoli florets--made double for us to have--

robyn's been busy with dance so far this week - she is in the highest level --i think she was a little nervous about it , but it helps that her best friend went up also--she even got to student teach for an extra class yesterday-will continue to do so all year--she loves it -it's the little little ones- so cute-

sounds like our fall will become pretty busy- the dance studio plans some parades and performances , they haven't done before or at least since robyn has been there

pray for my family this week please- a unspoken--thanks--i don't really think it is a big deal-but why not pray- right-

my mom seems to be doing some better- she even went in the choir last sunday- she was telling everybody how she feel asleep in the choir--i couldn't find out if she slept through the choir's special- my father didn't notice --and my husband who was in the service that morning didn't either and i was in children's church--oh well -at least she made it to church--small steps--

i've got my fall mums on my porch- i was gonna get 2 yellow pots of mums-my husband said to get 1 yellow and 1 purple- he was right- then i went ahead and got a pumpkin too- i'm always wanting to get a pumpkin early, but don't - i went wild--even got a beautiful fall wreath from dollar general (love that store )

we're busy doing school and all --just thought i'd take a moment to write and stay in touch - wish you all would--

remembering carter

this is the anniversary of my dear carter's passing from his beautiful body. he was 12 years old when he left- he is my 3rd born son--

there are of course many many things that i remember about carter- i just want to recall a few of them-

i remember how your big brothers played with you- lots- and how colin always said you were his little buddy
i remember how your youngest sister, robyn used to put make-up on you and high heel shoes-until mama saw it and quickly took them off--i don't think you minded
i remember how much you liked to have your head scratched- and although you couldn't talk - you let me know , when i stopped that you had not had enough !
i remember when you had lots of curly light brown hair - we said you looked like a little lion
i remember how - the first few years you laughed and laughed-
i remember how much you seemed to like "Aladdin" and how we decided "a whole new world" was your song
i remember holding you the night you died and thinking i could memorize your face-
i remember you today and everyday- you came at such a sad time in our lives and made things bearable-we all miss you and will see you one day--the Bible says you will have a new body, but to me i can't imagine a body or spirit more beautiful than yours-i love you carter

haven't had much to say the last few days--kinda in a funk ,yesterday-probably the rain

okay schools started, my daughter has started her solo for dance competition ,and i am still wondering what to do about the church Christmas play- last week i was really leaning towards doing it - had even picked some of the music out--but now....

we don't even know if we are going to stay at our church--i don't want to slam my church here, it's just a lot of things to consider--for one thing there are hardly any kids my daughter's age there. and another thing- our Sunday school class my husband and i teach , is really shrinking--i know "where two or more are gathered together.....we've been praying about it for a good while now--one reason i think we are afraid to leave ,is we are so used to it --and the fear if we stop going there we will just stop going altogether

i wish things were different but right now they are not--i wish if anyone is reading this , they will comment and give your point of view--maybe you've gone through something like this before-- i know we have--but still don't know any answers--one thing i know--if Christmas wasn't in couple of months - i'd be gone most likely--,maybe that's my answer

my wishes for my grand-daughter on her birthday

i wish so many good things for you, it's hard to pick some to write about--most of all i wish for you a great faith -for faith will get you through so much of the things that may come along-things you wouldn't ask for , but sometimes find they were just what you needed-

i wish for you contentment and passion and of course great love --i wish you children -

i wish you good health-good friends- to stay always connected to family and those people that are important to you-

i also wish for you ,something i suspect you already have- a generous spirit-

i wish you a wonderful party tonight and the best school year ever--but most of all i wish you a wonderful grand-daughter just like you :)

school daze

as the school year is set to begin next week - i find myself thinking about things that have happened to my kids at school through the years--i am also thinking a lot about my grandchildren - and hoping this year will be a great school year for all of them--only 2 won't be going to school, and 2 of my grand-daughters will be going for the first time!

i start with a preschool memory--my second born son was in his second year of preschool--he was already having somewhat of a hard time ,since his little sister was in and out of the hospital a lot that year--one day my husband called me on the way home from work--he had stopped at the store and was calling to see what i needed--i told him and then inquired how was my son he was suppose to pick up from preschool--he said ,gotta go, and i knew what had happened--frank said when he got to the school, all the other children had gone - there was our son sitting on the floor playing- he looked at his dad and said -oh hi dad, i was worried about you--i was so so mad at my husband!

i jump ahead quite a few years to my first born son's junior year--he had a problem with one of his teachers- it was the first week of school --believe me i didn't usually call the school and complain,but this time i did--well the next afternoon my second son comes home from school ,running in the house before his brother could get to me-- he lets me know i will be getting a call from their principal concerning his brother of course ( why else would he have been so eager to let me know) --i decide i'm gonna be pro-active - i call the school and get the man that was the principal--i tell him what my son said- that i should be expecting a call--he says-- oh yes mrs. proctor, i was going to call you - it seems that your son, was found "gatoring" on a table in the "commons" in a bra and skirt-i didn't know what to say to that, i asked - just a bra and skirt--oh no it was over his clothes--thank God for that--i ask him what is "gatoring"(bad question)--he says mrs. proctor ,have you ever seen "animal house"--no i say- highly indignant! fully humiliated- i say to him--isn't it funny that i call you yesterday and complain about something and today you just HAPPEN to find MY son doing this !! --he says ma mm i had no idea who your son was until i found him "gatoring on the table in a bra and skirt--uh huh i say and hang up--a little side line to this - the teacher that i had called to complain about in the first place , turned out to be my son's favorite teacher and a wonderful mentor--the moral --wait wait wait before you call any school and complain about anything your teenager tells you--you never know if they have a bra and skirt in their backpack-

mountains and memories

i had a pretty busy monday and tuesday - sorry i didn't write--did anybody miss me--hey by the way where are my comments -"where's my theme music".

monday robyn and frank and i went to the mountains--my oldest son (still forgot to ask family members if i can use their names )--and his wife-the writer-he's the actor-and their 4 kids -grandsons-almost 11 and 7 and two grand-daughters ,almost 6 and 3--my son had been talking about taking their vacation sometime up in the mountains--i think he might be re-thinking that idea--

we had a long scenic drive--that's the way i always like to go -i mean what's the point of going if all you see is highway-right-. but i'm sure they thought we would never arrive, since they would have gone - if on their own , the interstate--

on the way my son calls us from behind, where they are following--dad where's the next bathroom--hahaha - we told him to go at our house where they had met us--that there would be no mc's or b k's around--so we stop at the nearest side road and into the good old woods--starting to love the great outdoors?

a few miles later we remember -oh yeah this next little town does have a Food Lion--we all cheer as we pull in the lot! my son and his wife stay in the car with the youngest and we go in with the other 3 kids --long bathroom break--gum machines galore--decisions decisions--go away with various gumballs tattoos and fake mustaches--gotta love kids-

we finally get to the mountains--kids and all have a great time - we picnic at this huge park area--just about the only ones there--keeping a look- out for crazy people though--perfect place for a massacre--i know , i always can find the bright side--i had brought a picnic lunch--sandwiches,potato chip and salad, pickles, grapes, "grape flavored apples", and chocolate donut holes--everyone enjoyed it --think we got some great pictures--
the kids -older and young, ran around playing hide and seek, picking wild flowers,throwing rocks and just having plain old fun-

on the way down the mountain there is this country store we always stop there-- we came in another route, so instead of hitting it coming up ya hit it coming down --much better to hit on way in--lots of expensive stuff and kids stuff- neat old type candy--kinda like Cracker Barrel--the kids start coming up to "pop pop"and me with like $10 worth of candy each--we settle on less--we get out of the store and the 2 year old screams (she's really tired by now!) i don't want this old candy and precedes to throw it all over the place--the 7 year old is loving this - he finds it all--good times--

it was a fun day but i do think my son realizes it would be kinda of stretch to find enough to do for a whole week -


tuesday --we took my mom and dad down to places they had grown up --mostly down in charles city va. and new kent--we had bought a little hand held recorder, for robyn to record her grand-daddy telling stories about his youth-- she loved it and i think they did ,too--my dad wanted to show robyn where george washington got married St. Peters church--my mom was very confused that day and talked a lot on the way back about that church -she thinks frank and i are going to start going to that church-- she kept saying--that's a long way for you and frank to go to church--we tried to correct her but sometimes....
when we rode up to the house on Westover plantation where my mother had grown up --my father and frank got out and went up on the property--they weren't suppose to--well mother insisted there was a lady out there with them -she even described that she had a baby with her and was wearing a heavy coat and a big hat--i wonder sometimes if my mother could be seeing dead people--my husband says she is seeing memories-either way - i do believe that through her illness it's very possible , what doctors call delusions could just be gifts--

each day can't be a trip to the mountains or a trip down memory land, but we can have hearts ready and waiting for the bonds of life--