january oh january

i was just sitting on my sofa sipping my coffee when it suddenly hit me, that i wanted to write--that i thought i had something to say-- here is what i think it is (kinda)------

january is the month of dread--also the month of endless dreams, of plans that may or may not take place----it's kinda like that list that you made a while back and crumpled the paper into a tight ball, threw it in the corner and never quite came over to pick it up and toss it, because----because maybe just perhaps, you could actually accomplish some of those crazy lofty ideas you had floating around in that autumn brain of yours--ideas that quickly lost value when compared to the heavy duty of the endless holiday, Christmas season---the list that was always there for someday


and january is that someday, today---within january's dark endless days, days where all you want to do is eat waffles and sleep on the sofa and breath in and out, till the next day passes---days when you don't want to think of the junk room that is now two junk rooms or the cloudiness that lies in the sky and your weighty head-


but alas the cold air comes at you like a dare, a dare to do something, anything--to change something, to believe in something again, anything, everything, someone--

so january sits before me and beckons me on, and whispers to me--it won't always be this way-love me enjoy me, i am only thirty-one days, don't hate me---i could have been june, would that have changed me, would you dread me any less--


so i uncrumple the paper, rub the cynicism from my watery eyes and read the thought of an eager heart, that heart of autumn--and discover the heart is the same, the list still distinguishable and i go on to trust that this january too will pass but this time i will watch as it does