only trust Him

a couple of years ago we were told my cousin was in her last days, she has a degenerating disease-she is still with us and suffering-

since learning of this death sentence she has lost one of her five younger brothers and yesterday her dad--

also a couple of years ago i was told my mom's brother-a different uncle was on hospice and didn't have long at all---i don't see him often as he lives out of state, so i wrote him a note--basically telling him good-bye---happily he is still with us and doing much much better---

last night i awoke with the feeling i was to write something about all of this--

i have no answers--people we think will live die--people we think will die do die and sometimes they out-live us---

my son just lost one of his childhood friends from cancer-everyone knew it was coming and this past fall we all expected the sad news any day---in that time, my son lost another one of his childhood friends very suddenly--

i think it is mostly good that we don't know what is going to happen---

at least what we perceive as the "bad" parts of life-

what if we find out they were some of the beautiful parts--after all, as a Christian we are taught that things are paradoxical and if you lose yourself you will find yourself--that the last shall be first and the first last---that Christ came to serve and not be served----all pretty foreign from our make it make sense world--and if you do thus and so you will get said out-come--


i wouldn't want to live without my faith in a God that has a plan- a plan that he sometimes gives us glimpses of but for the most part we simply trust-



so while my poor cousin hangs on to a painful life and my aunt grieves for her husband of fifty plus years and eight children - i know that there is order that there is meaning and comfort and peace and new days for some and life's end for others---we just don't know when--thank God