Monday, January 14, 2013

she left the house....

i really kinda hate myself for putting up this little "disclaimer" or explanation if you will---i always told the drama group, i lead, that we never wanted to neatly tie up the skit or play or scene we were presenting--to let the viewer determine it's meaning for them---etc.------but as a blogger, we are not just handing out a book in the bookstore for total strangers, whom we will never probably meet (except at an occasional book signing)----no the blogging community is sorta like a chosen family and you put yourself out there, naked sometimes----and sorta afraid that they are always taking you literally or thinking you are in some deep depression or worse-----yes i have my dark days ---but mostly when you read something that might be disturbing, it is mainly just my creative juices flowing and sometimes it is really my fears and the like coming out---as we tend to care about each other, i find it necessary to say this today
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she walked around that house for hmmmm many years, she wore an old lady's housecoat most of the time

she cooked breakfast and dinner everyday and cried easily-------she left in a body bag


i can see her sulking around and being silent--oh how i wish i had mastered her art of silent fighting, i think---

once she came to my school and blessed out everybody in sight---when i had been beaten up, by a girl---

she left in a body bag-

alone she had many unhappy thoughts and with me she would often share them---she was a gentle spirit from the past, not wanting confrontation, but never shrinking away when needed---

all of her clothes were painfully purchased----she once had been thin and one day would return to thinness---as she left in a body bag

as i knew she was coming down the hallway and i would choose to view this departure or go into the den---i knew what i must do------and it wasn't on a gurney ---no they carried her--rather awkwardly-----and i thought to myself----this can't be the way it ends, this can't be the last time she leaves this house, this home--never to return---she should have on her pantsuit or her flowery Sunday dresses-----but she left in a colorless body bag---i am pretty certain---although as i watched this---i told myself, she wasn't in it---

48 comments:

  1. wow; I'm glad you did the disclaimer Lynn. Powerfully written; makes you wonder why "she" was. Someone you know and love (like your mom) or again your creative juices flowing. Very profound.

    betty

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    1. yeah, my mom---thanks betty---i really didn't know if i would write this---but again, it just haunted me so last night, and i knew i was to write about it--gotta admit, i still held back

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  2. You paint such pictures with your words. They always make me think.

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  3. I'm with Betty: Wow. Like Betty, as I was reading, I was wondering if you were writing about your mom. I knew it had to be someone close to you because the language is too evocative and powerful for it not to be. Wonderfully done!

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    1. yeah it was mom---thanks so much dana--means a lot :)

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    1. just couldn't get it out of my head--thank you sherry

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  5. This is torturous and I know the feeling. I'm sure writing it out and sharing it helps. Many will know the feeling and sometimes, not being the only one to experience it, brings a little bit of comfort.

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    1. yeah this image came to me last night of my mom---and even though i told myself i probably shouldn't write about, it--i just had to--thanks ms. a

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  6. Deep and dark. Your words create such emotion.

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    1. i am glad they can touch you---thank you christine<3

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  7. A very enjoyable picture painted with words and emotion.

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  8. Hi Lynn,

    You write so well and getting this out there, will help and bring comfort I imagine.
    Hugs and have a great week
    Carolyn

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  9. that is very sweet of you to say carolyn, thank you

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  10. Very moving Lynn. I know it is so hard to put yourself out there as a blogger. It's hard to do it in real life too. I think a lot of people get the watered down version of me because I hold back a lot.

    Thank you for sharing some of your story. It was very well written!

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    1. i know, what you mean--i always feel like i hold back some----thanks for the encouragement theresa

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  11. I hope this wasn't painful to write but instead...therapy, because this is awesome writing, Lynn.

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    1. no it wasn't hard teresa--it just had to come out---it came to me last night and wouldn't let me not write it--thank you

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  12. bet you wrote (spoke) for a lot of people...

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  13. i agree that is awesome writting...thanks so much for sharing :)

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  14. I appreciated the disclaimer too. The writing brought tears to my eyes. :)

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    1. awwww that touches me--thank you libby <3

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  15. Powerfully emotive writing which evoked memories of my own. It does make me question my own writing much of which is borne of a painful past. Touching.

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    1. hey jp! i see you aren't back yet---but good to hear from you!---thanks, i think sometimes we have to write about our past--it makes us who we are

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    2. It won't be long Lynn, as soon as I get the copy of my book cover I will be shamelessly promoting it. It is due for release in March.

      I hope to restore the blog in mid-February.

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    3. oh good, looking forward to it--i miss ya!!

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  16. Lynn, that is so powerful!
    Sorry I've been absent lately. Tending to family matters.

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    1. awww thank you so much susan--i hope things are okay with you and your family<3

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  17. Lynn, many have already said what I felt reading this piece. Powerful, very powerful.

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    1. i am so glad it made you feel this way--thank you maria

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  18. Hey Lynn, a stark presentation indeed but an honest look at departing, keep those juices flowing. Sorry for your loss, take care.

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    1. hey rch---how's it going----thank you :)

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  19. You took my breath away. I saw this with my mother and father. Not something I want to remember.

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    1. i am sorry and comforted that you can relate to this susan <3

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  20. Not every phase of life we would love to cherish, some need to be accepted too…

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  21. Hi Lynn. A very well written, gripping narrative here; I think you felt a "need" to write it, probably as a cartharthis. I read it twice and it remended me of my mama.
    A good post.

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    1. thanks so much for taking your time to listen anthony :)

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  22. I also had to read this twice. I was shocked the first time, and was overcome with emotion the second. This was beautifully written Lynn, and I can't even begin to imagine how difficult the experience was for you.
    Julie

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    1. it was hard julie, but mostly i thought of what a way to exit this house this life--how undignified, as my mom was surely----i am touched that my piece affected you <3

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