After

 I’m sure I must have used this dynamic little word before 

I wasn’t totally sure I would join this writing challenge this time around- not sure I really had anything to say

But actually I knew in my heart and head there was a lot going on

It’s been almost two years since my best friend/husband died of Covid- I look at pretty much everything these days in terms of after that

But also with a heavy dose of before that- things I had long put away- a different life- my whole being 

So what am I now- I ask myself way too much— it’s not that I don’t experience joy still- but I have to look for and and accept that it is not easy many days 

Before this writing challenge began- I said to myself- you’re going to be honest- not holding back- 

But as I’ve shared before- I know that is part of what is stifling about my writing- I’m definitely not completely honest - I don’t know what I’m waiting for- but truthfully it is more a protective thing I’ve always felt- like I would never want my ramblings to hurt anyone 

So as I dip my toes in the written thought this challenge- I hope to be aware of the afterlife I am living and pray to embrace it