Thursday, April 11, 2013

jaime

(this is a repost from 2009---not feeling too well this morning---sorry this is a little longer than usual--)
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i don't know why i have decided to share this story with you, but i kept feeling like i am suppose to today. i usually try to write about something in my day or something in my day that ties in with a story in the past--but here goes

years ago when my husband and i had our two oldest sons and our first daughter, who was also our first handicapped child--we decided we probably wouldn't have anymore children, but would adopt a older "hard to place" child--we went to all the classes - where we were warned of all the problems one could encounter with some of these "damaged " children --it didn't scare us --for after all if we were doing okay with a severely handicapped child- how hard could it be--the only thing i was sure i couldn't handle was another handicapped child--they had them- in fact they had a book just full of kids with special needs. the-caseworker also said that parents were needed for children that were now in institutions--they would continue to stay there but you could visit them and make medical decisions for them. i knew that was definitely not for me - i could never go to an institution let alone leave them there!

well after the adoption classes were over, the case worker had a child in mind for us- an older girl--it didn't work out, as she very much wanted to stay in the foster home she had been in for 5 years--she was hoping they would adopt her - i don't know if they ever did.

time went by and i found out i was pregnant again . we were very happy about it , but scared that this child might be handicapped too- one day we were out picking up meds for our daughter from the county medical center--where we had taken our adoption classes ( our daughter had been dropped from our insurance)--- my husband goes into get the meds and returns with a large book -- the book of hard to place children-- seems he had run into the case worker we had before-- i was so mad at him--how could he have brought this book out - me being pregnant and all--he said we could keep the book for a week-- i vowed i would not even open it!

a few days later, the book seemed to be calling to me--i looked through it--there were so many --it was just too sad- i started to close the book, when i saw this little girl in a wheelchair- her head was deformed--it read about her--no one had visited her in her 11 years-- i cried -

when my husband came home from work that evening i was holding the book --i told him i had seen the child we had to adopt--he said wait- let me show you first the one i have picked-- he opened the book and handed it to me - it was the same little girl--we couldn't believe it--

we made a call the next day to our case worker in our county--we waited and waited--they never did anything to help us get in contact with the institution where the little girl lived--we couldn't get this child out of our minds and hearts--one day a friend of mine suggested we contact another non profit agency she had dealt with, as she had adopted children----
the next day i called - i told the woman about the book - which all the agencies had --she looked up the little girl--i almost dropped the phone when she said--oh yes, jaime- i'm visiting her--in my heart i said thank you Lord--for truth be told, yes i felt so sorry for her , but if God had someone else that was willing to take her ,than i was off the hook--she told me no, no that she was only visiting as a social worker--we decided to meet--

as i was due with my baby in a couple of weeks , we decided to wait until after the baby-so we wouldn't have to stop the visits for a time--i had my baby--another girl--she spent the first month in the nicu--it looked like she had the same handicap as my older daughter--we were crushed--but she came home - we loved her to death--and life went on-

in july that year we made our first visit to jaime--she was so sweet--but i was very worried about taking care of 3 handicapped children --i knew i didn't want to be a parent to her and leave her there--of course for her , but also because it was so sad to come every week to this institution--i had never seen so many helpless pitiful people--i felt sick every time we went--eventually we became more and more used to it--the visits and the plans to adopt her and bring her home continued-

it seems the case worker (not the one that brought us to her ) from her county of birth was the birth mother's best friend--when we met with her she told me how the family had never come to see jaime and how she had tried her best to convince them to visit--she was sure they never would--during that time i had strongly felt the Lord telling me to go ahead with the plan to adopt her, but that her birth family was going to come to see her--i asked jaime's case worker to try one more time with the birth family--before we got any deeper into the adoption process-- she assured me that she knew them and it was no use-they did not ever want to see her-

then one day as i was fixing dinner the case worker that had introduced us to jaime, called--she said jaime's caseworker had called and she said "are you sitting down-- her birth family is begging you not to adopt her--they want to meet with you"--i was not surprised-i knew i had heard right

we were very torn--jaime had many many medical problems and many services they would not provide in our home--she would have to be transported a lot--i knew in my heart that if my children had her problems i would still keep them at home--but i also knew if we brought her home her birth parents would most certainly not be in her life- and i really felt jaime would want them in her life

after we met with them - we felt somewhat different about them-- i still could not see how they could have never come to see her--but i also understood that stupid doctors had told them to put her away and forget about her--that they weren't capable of taking care of her--and really that was and is part of the system's problem --they made too much money to get any help with her at home but not enough for some of her needs--it's so messed up

after several visits with jaime and her birth parents - we decided that we would not adopt jaime- but there were two conditions- they had to agree to visit her every week and we would still be able to visit weekly-- they agreed --and until jaime's death at 17, that's what we did -- her birth family came every saturday and us every sunday

i think of jaime so often and wonder if we made the right decision --but mostly i believe we were just asked to be willing to adopt her-- God always knew the healing jaime needed from her birth family and the healing her birth family so needed-- i can still see her smiling face and hear her infectious laugh-- she made a huge difference in our lives and will forever live in our hearts.

40 comments:

  1. First, i hope you feel better.

    Second, You are uniquely brave - thank you for sharing (and reposting) this story - It gives all of us the opportunity to consider things not generally known, addressed,and - it's time for us to learn - and lift these issues into the Light - Our society can not be whole until we respect and care for EVERYONE.

    again, Be Well!
    -g-

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    1. thank so much for reading and taking the thought to care about this---and thanks maggid, i am on the mends, i hope!

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  2. Wow, what an amazing story. I know the feeling of wanting to open your home to a child. I've always had this same dream.

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    1. thank you kate, i hope you get to follow that dream if it is meant to be :)

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  3. Wow. You have a huge heart! And what a sad story! All those children just languishing with no one to love them. I'm glad you made a difference in Jaimie's life.

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    1. it is a sad place--where we continue to volunteer---we used to get lots of the residents out in groups until the new laws for privacy---thank you <3

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  4. Lynn you have an incredibly huge heart and you are a kind kind soul. It's evident in every word you write here.

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    1. awwww that is so very nice of you to say--thank you <3

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  5. Lynn, I used to work on a unit that placed "hard to place" kids when I was a PT. The parents and fosters that came highlighted every day for those kids. I would take groups of them down to the PT gym just to hang out with us all day for the stimulation and a good time.(We had some fun parties!I miss those kids and kept visiting until I moved out of state)Thanks for being part of the solutions! Z~

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    1. yes, they do highlight our lives---our family continues to volunteer with another man where jaime lived--thanks zoe :)

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  6. You're a remarkable human being with a beautiful soul, Lynn. What an example you are for so many!

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    1. oh my goodness---i wish that were true---thank you jackie for the sweet words <3

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  7. 'he said wait- let me show you first the one i have picked-- he opened the book and handed it to me - it was the same little girl'

    That is truly amazing, Lynn. This story has so much that it's difficult to know exactly how and to what to respond. God rest Jaime's soul and bless you both for the part you played in her short life.

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  8. you have such a tender heart suze--thank you <3

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  9. You and your husband are very special people with an amazing capacity for love. God bless you both!

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  10. awww thank you dot and God bless you too <3

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  11. This brought tears to my eyes. Bless you for being in Jamie's life and bringing her closer to her birth family.

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    1. i am grateful to have been used to bring her family together, however brief--thank you theresa <3

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  12. God sure knows how to put things together...and not the way we think it will be going. What a wonderful story and outcome really!
    I hope you are feeling better soon!

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    1. i know, it still amazes me how things went--i am starting to feel better--thanks donna <3

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  13. You have a big heart, Lynn. That story will bring tears to most parents' eyes. Institutions make me sad too (care homes, childrens' hospitals, etc)

    Hope you're feeling better!

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    1. i know, i still have a hard time going, even after 24 yrs---i am feeling some better, thanks d.g. <3

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  14. Jaime was meant to be part of your life - even if you weren't to be her adopted parents.

    Hope you feel better soon!

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    1. it does seem like it was planned--i am going better, thank you sherry <3

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  15. What a touching story. I am happy you have Jaime in your hearts. It is wonderful that you and your husband have so much love to share with your children. If everyone did, there wouldn't be so many little ones to adopt, they would all have a home, and hopefully with both of you. www.sandysanderellasmusings.blogspot.com

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    1. i am happy she is always in our hearts too---i wish for each child a home---thanks sandy, you are very sweet <3

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  16. The Lord works in mysterious ways. What a blessing, to be able to be a part of such a special individual's life!

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    1. He does that! and yes she was such a blessing to all who knew her--thanks crystal <3

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  17. Lynn, thank you for sharing this story and giving me a peek into your heart. You are truly blessed by God.

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    1. awww thanks for taking the time to read this susan <3

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  18. You have a beautiful heart, Lynn. You're an inspiration.

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    1. awwww you are the inspiring one dana--thank you <3

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  19. My eyes teared up at this one. You are such a compassionate soul.

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    1. thank you christine, i am glad it touched you, you are very sweet<3

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  20. It's amazing how one small thing, like picking up that book, could lead to Jaime and her family being reunited.
    You have a very big heart, Lynn. :-)

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    1. i am glad i broke my vow and opened it---aww thanks ermie <3

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  21. Thank you for sharing this very personal story. Jaime was very fortunate to have someone like you thinking about her.

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  22. she was a sweetheart- thank you so much cynthia <3

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  23. How heartbreaking that a doctor advised the family to forget about her. She was so lucky to have you.

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    1. yes, you would not believe the way some doctors view the severely handicapped---one time while jaime was in the hospital, this was before her birth parents had come into her life---we were visiting--well the doctor on duty and a doctor that was familiar with jaime, said right in front of her--"do you see her head--she is not adoptable---i asked him to step outside and let him have it, for speaking this way, especially in front of jaime---thank you for your nice comment susan <3

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