Thursday, April 5, 2012

e--elusive butterfly

i remember it and i don't----parts are clear and parts are missing---but i will never forget ray----

ray was the younger brother of my oldest sister's husband-- he was only 19---

we, my mom and dad, little brother and other sister, were in our family room watching tv, when my sister and her husband came to the back door---from my seat on the sofa, you could see to the door, who was there--i was excited---they didn't usually come over on a week night especially after dinner time---this was going to be great-

i secretly or so i thought, had a huge crush on my brother in law--so i ran to meet them, throwing my arms around his legs--

as i became aware of others and not just my joy at this special visit, i noticed, my sister was crying---


"ray has been killed in a double murder suicide---i wasn't suppose to hear it all--but mama not knowing what was to be said, couldn't get me out of the room in time--

ray, was so handsome- i had a crush on him too and thought i had a real chance with him- i was pretty certain---he had only been helping a woman, a couple of years older than himself---they worked together- he drove her home

when he walked her to her door her ex husband was there waiting in the hallway of the apartment and shot them both- then killed himself----they said if people could have gotten to them in time they could have been saved---they bled to death---

for the next year, i thought about ray all the time----but the worst part was at night, when i would dream i was awake---there would be this song playing, and it would be coming out of my closet--i would open my closet door and there would be ray standing there, telling me not to be afraid---i was terrified at the start of the dreams---but as they continued, they gave me a peace--ray gave me a peace---

"don't be concerned, it will not harm you, it's only me pursuing somethin' i'm not sure of, across my dreams with nets of wonder, i chase the bright elusive butterfly of love"-----




57 comments:

  1. That is so sad; I can see why it would affect you so much, such a tragic situation one never forgets or "gets over" no matter how much time has passed.

    betty

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  2. yes corgi, esp. at such a young age

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  3. That's so tragic. Wrong place at the wrong time.

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  4. so it seemed--but i hate to think of the randomness of it all

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  5. Definitely sad all around, but then Ray was there for you. apparently, he was that 'type of guy'.

    IWSG - to to my blog and click on the badge over at the right. It should tell you all you need to know. sign up and then mark the first Wednesday of the Month and post your 'Insecure Message' and go on down the list and read the others. Very encouraging and very helpful to know 'you are not alone'. Thank Alex J.Cavanaugh for this little gem.

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  7. This is a sad but beautiful story. I think those dreams take on a truly special meaning for you. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. Beautiful story...I too have a little angel in heaven that I cannot wait to see but can imagine them dancing with Jesus...thank you for sharing..by the way I'm following please come to http://runningsurvivor.blogspot.com to see my new running blog all about my journey with cancer to becoming a runner...blessings and so glad you are in the challenge !

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  9. Aw, this is so sad. I'm really sorry to hear this. I dream about loved ones who have passed away, too, and most of the time those loved ones are comforting me, telling me they're okay now.

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  10. I don't think elusive will ever have any other meaning for me again. Speechless.

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  11. gosh, what a terrible tragedy and so traumatic for you. I remember that song and never really thought about the words until now.

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    1. isn't it a beautiful song and a song ray a shy young man probably loved

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  12. What a tragic story, but a beautiful and comforting dream. Wow!

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    1. yes susan it did come to be a comfort and every time i listen to the song, i feel it once more just like as a child

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  13. what a traumatic, tragic event; I'm very sorry. And yet what a remarkable dream comes from it. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  14. it was a beautiful dream in the end

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  15. At first I thought this was a novel you were working on, but then realized that it was true... too true. You have an amazing ability to find the positive out of a negative/tragic event. Keep up the great work.

    Patricia, Sugar & Spice & All Things ? Nice

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  16. What a horrible tragedy for everyone. That happened as well to a boy we had grown up with and my brother's best friend. Same scenario. Old boyfriend walked in the home and shot his ex and Andy. He was a nice young man and his mother's only son. So sad.

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  17. Those tragic memories come back so painfully clear, this is a really excellent post. Maybe that was really his spirit in your dreams wandering until he passed over, spooky.

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  18. thank you rch---it was pretty spooky esp. as a kid

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  19. It's frightening to hear about all the domestic violence. My mother has a neighbor right not going through some things that causes me worry.
    Thanks for sharing this heart-wrenching story.

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  20. i hope your mother's neighbor will be okay

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  21. What a sad story! It is so hard to hear, and live through things like this with a childs mind. I am so glad you shared this story.

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  22. Beautiful and heart-wrenching. It's always so tragic when lives are taken too soon. Thank you for sharing.

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  23. This is a powerful heartwrenching story, Lynn. And I m really impressed how you wrote it. So vivid. It's great to meet you, Thanks for stopping by my blog. :)

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  24. thank cecilia! so great to meet you also!

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  25. What a tragic story - but also a very comforting dream, which must have helped you a lot.

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  26. What a sad story and that seems to happen more often these days.

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  27. Very vividly written! I am sorry that it happened, but I felt that your post was a very moving tribute.

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  28. What an intense and vivid portrayal. Thank you for sharing it. I like the title of elusive butterfly.

    I hope you're enjoying the Challenge.

    KarenG
    A to Z Challenge Host

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    1. thank you so much karen-- i am enjoying it i just haven't been writing every day for a while:)

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  29. I'm really sorry this happened to your family. I hope that writing about it makes you feel better.

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    1. thank you cynthia-- i still think about him but i feel a peace about him-- and his mom and dad are with him now

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  30. Oh, that's awful! The closest I've come to this was working with someone who was killed by his ex-wife one night...not easy for anyone, but brutal for relatives. So sorry that happened!

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  31. oh that is so awful too, thanks for commenting melodie

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  32. I'm very sorry you and your family had to deal with such an awful tragedy. I'm glad your dream was able to comfort you and make you feel at peace with it, at least to some extent. Thanks for sharing something so personal.

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  33. Such a horrible tragedy. I imagine Ray is still in your mind and heart. How could you ever forget something like that? Thanks for posting. It's certainly plants a visual in my mind. And thanks for visiting my blog.

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    1. as i wrote yesterday, i realized just how much ray was still in my heart, thanks, jess

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  34. I love that song and am so very glad that it helped you deal with that tragedy at such a young age. Sounds to me like Ray himself was helping you through it.

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    1. thank you--i think in some way it was ray

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  35. This is so sad. I can understand why you had nightmares for a long time.

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