Wednesday, April 18, 2012

p is for pleasantries


how are you---i'm fine---how are you---oh i'm fantastic too---

how are you feeling---great, never better-

nice weather we are having---oh yes, it's going to be in the 80's today--

everyday pleasantries, we all take part in—it's expected of us---it's civilized---why it would be down right rude to be honest, wouldn't it-


then what is all the fuss about honesty, really------do we want honesty----only in certain situations and only in very small doses----don't annoy me with your honesty---or heaven forbid, you bore me or hold me up too long with your stupid honesty---

yes it would be a bit much if we told someone who inquired of our health this day—that we had been in the bathroom several times or that our nose had been running like a spigot---those delicious details are certainly best saved for our immediate loved ones---aren't they blessed--


nice weather we are having, should not be followed by---wow you are a true intellect, how long did it take you to think of that greeting----no we would never-------no matter what the weather was---


so we all engage in the little pleasantries of life—kinda like a smile—you do it, but most times you don't even notice if the person smiles back, cause you've moved on-----and pleasantries sometimes do beat out, the loneliness of honesty, don't they---have a nice day

89 comments:

  1. Pleasantries can be nice because it gives you some ground to interact with a stranger.

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    1. ugg thought my comment wasn't deleted then it was...

      Thanks Lynn for the look at how we address casual conversation
      Thoughtful

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    2. i didn't delete it--haha thanks for reading and trying again :)

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    3. @moondustwriter i tried to follow your blog, but didn't see any

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  4. Pleasantries or not, it's important to have manners. "you do it, but most times you don't even notice if the person smiles back, cause you've moved on." I notice, but I can't say the same for others.

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    1. you hit the nail on the head--pleasantries are just that--manners---)

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  5. great pleasantries post. mmmh I can't imagine how life would be if pleasantries were so honest especially between strangers. Something like, 'Oh how are you today?' the other replies, 'Not good. Just came back from the dentist', or I have this stomach bug and just left the doctors' That would be scary! But pleasantries do help interract, true.

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  6. It is funny how little we are willing to give these days. It is all too time consuming to do more than the very minimum~sad really as far as I'm concerned.

    I like honesty, even when I don't have time I have to remind myself that this is why we are here in the first place!

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  7. great point---and we are so rushed for sure--thanks

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  8. Some pleasantries sound hollow some times (and one can make out)

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    1. oh yeah---they have a certain ring--like a busy tone :)

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  9. This is so true about pleasantries; if we honestly did tell someone how we felt at any given moment, especially a complete stranger or a mere acquaintance, they probably would run and hide and never want to make contact with us :)

    some good things to think about that with how we deal with others. I hope you do have a good day!

    betty

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    1. i sincerely wish you a wonderful day also--thanks ;)

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  10. What a perfectly pleasant post!

    (Have you noticed the use of pleasantries in comments? Are they good or bad? I always try to leave something of substance when I comment.)

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    1. i try to leave something of substance also--but fear i am guilty too often of the pleasantry comment :(

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  11. We talked about this at length in one of my psychology courses in college. A fellow student even decided to experiment -- the next time a professor passed him on campus and said, "How are you?" the student replied, "Yes." The professor kept walking, not even noticing that the student didn't properly answer his question.

    Many times, people don't even wait for an answer. "How are you?" has become equated with "Hi", and it doesn't matter what greeting you return with. It makes all of those genuine "How are you?" questions that much more meaningful.

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    1. you are so right--i hate that, when people ask you how you are and they don't even take a breath to let you respond--wonderful point!

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  12. Lynn, you have amazing insight combined with a generous dose of humor. Love reading your posts!
    Patricia, Sugar & Spice & All Things ? Nice

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  13. thank you, patricia--i am glad you knew i was going for mostly humor ;)

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  14. I read some editorial on the "how are you?" greeting which is the most fascile of them all as it is rarely ever asked with really a desire for an answer. One day I will spill my gutts out to the local cashier at my gas station.

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    1. they will see you coming next time--let me know :)

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  15. 'don't annoy me with your honesty'

    Made me smirk. :)

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  16. Sandra, I have stood in line behind the person spilling her guts to the cashier, a dually annoying and entertaining situation.

    Lucy

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    1. yep can be really interesting can't it

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  17. Most of the time all I care to participate in are tiny pleasantries. And then other times I even avoid those- which is tricky. You have to plan that eye aversion quickly or you'll be sucked into a pleasantry or two. LOL

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    1. i know--i am ashamed to admit, that i have done that at least twice in the past couple of months!

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  18. Yes sometimes pleasantries can be annoying and time suckers...but the world is a better place because of them...at least I believe it is. Have a blessed day sweetie.

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    1. i know---i was mainly kidding you know---you have a blessed day too--thanks shannon!

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  19. Nice posting. At work part of good customer service was a smile, how's your day, and have a great day, even though there were days that wasn't so grand and I wanted to scream it is not a good day. It often feels like we were forced to have a good day for the sake of others.

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    1. haha that's funny---how dare we mess anyone up with our bad days admissions--love it

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  20. Funny and right on point, Lynn.

    At work I used to try to be more honest, because I got tired of the phoniness when people don't really care what you say in response. It usually brings them us short if it's anything, but 'oh I'm fine, how are you?' They're saying the words out of habit.

    Most people don't have the time to listen. We all have our woes, and no one wants to hear about them unless they're paid to do so. But we must keep up appearances, hence we use pleasantries. It's better than being grumpy, IMO.

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    1. thanks d.g.---yep it does beat being an grump

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  21. well, I've noticed that pleasantries are on their way out or so it seems. Gosh, how frustrating...in the grocery store or at the job...it just doesn't seem to be a priority and it makes me sad!

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    1. i know, tracy--my daughter and i have been playing this little kinda dangerous game, when we encounter a male approaching us, we try to refuse, through our body language, to move out of his way--i am constantly amazed at how many men try to make us move

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  22. Agree that plesantries are a part of manners, but I really dislike the 'have a nice day' when you know the person saying it doesn't give a damn whether you have a nice day or not!

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    1. tell us what you really think paula---haha love it ;)

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  23. Hi Lynn, well you know the proverbial joke: A New Yorker says F you when he means Have a nice day! and a person from LA says Have a nice day when he really means F you. I know, it's tasteless but pretty funny when thinking about pleasantries!

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  24. haha that is pretty funny--the new yorkers must be the honest joes--thanks catherine

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  25. We all have become so polite. It is only with a true friend that one knows the question is sincere, and the person will listen. this allows for reciprocation. Good post about a frustrating issue.

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  26. Pleasantries are kind of silly aren't they? I guess they're segues to more meaningful converstions.

    I nominated you for the Sunshine Award. I know you're busy with the A-Z challenge, but maybe in May you can do it. If you'd like it, you can pick up the award at my blog, Mama Diaries.

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    1. okay sherry-- i think i understand-- if it's okay i think i will do it in may-- and thanks again:)

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  27. thanks sherry--i don't really know what that is, but i will check it out---thanks again :)

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  28. Nice post! I really liked the last paragraph. So true!

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  29. I think so regions exchange pleasantries more than others.

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  30. you are probably right--i am in the south--i think it is part of us :)

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  31. I've started to buck the pleasantries to some degree lately. I had a rough December-March, so when people asked how I was doing, I told them "not so great." But you're right--they don't want to hear that sort of thing.

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  32. not too many people--but there are some that do care--i sincerely hope you are doing better and that things are smoother for you :)

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  33. I know a few people that ask how you are and if you answer fine, they don't seem to like it. They want to actually know. That's nice, but altogether too rare.

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  34. I think that's why pleasantries annoy me so much. It's not honest or any sort of real connection. You're doing it because society expects it. While no one will notice your response to "how are you?" they will be peeved if you don't offer them the same opportunity.

    Silly. Better to say nothing at all if you can't come up with a true interest in one another.

    Jessica
    A to Z Blogger & SF/Fantasy Writer @ Visions of Other Worlds

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    1. well said jessica! --the below comment was for ruth--i don't know what happened :)

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  35. pleasantries are for the occasional sighting of acquaintances at the store, out & about, acknowledgement on the go, nice to see you, but no time to chat, have a nice day!

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  36. I think being pleasant is like the oil that keeps society running fairly smoothly, else we would all be self-centered grouches. It certainly is no skin of my nose to smile, say hello, thank you or have a nice day to the cashier at the counter.

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  37. i agree---i don't mind at all either :)

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  38. I'd prefer scripted pleasantries to icky un-pleasantries any day. There are people who don't want an honest update of what's really going on and that's fine with me. I myself share more with those I feel closer to. =)

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  39. that's a good way to look at it, cynthia :)

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  40. Occasionally someone asks me an inane questions and I just go off full bore with way TMI.. Now sure why that happens, most days I'm just plain pleasant.

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  41. Pleasantries can also be called manners. If I say hello to someone I don't know and they actually look at me and don't speak, it's hurtful. Good topic.

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  42. Pleasantries can be fun - good post! :)

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  43. I have a friend who gets offended everytime a clerk or greeter says "Have a nice day!" It's almost like musac or background noise to me, but it's all part of their jobs. I don't mind exchanging pleasantries with acquaintances, but sometimes people do get a little carried away. Julie

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    1. i know people do get that way haha thanks for reading

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  44. Pleasantries are a social lubricant, I'm big on them.

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  45. I don't mind them, but our youngest daughter will have none of it. She seems to be struggling with the whole social norms thing. We are trying to teach her that you can be friendly to people even if you don't consider them friends.
    Wagging Tales

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    1. i guess with kids and the whole stranger thing--it can be confusing for kids huh :)

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  46. I usually only speak when spoken to, I hate to think that I may bother someone.

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    1. i am kinda like that too, now i will smile first :)

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  47. That's funny Lyn because just last night as I said my thankyou to you for visiting my blog a similar thought ran through my mind.

    Over the past nine months or so, Woolworths Supermarkets have been training their staff to interact more with their customers and ask questions like: How was your day? Have you had a busy day? What are you doing tonight? etc.

    It has been interessting to watch this progress - of course at first the staff questions were strained, but as time went by the smiles have become genuine and customers interact back. It has been an interesting sales technique to watch as it progressed. People of course feel more comfortable and the burden of shopping is a little less.

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    1. haha that might explain, what i thought was genuine interest in my local walmart, recently--but i did fall for it, it was kinda nice, though maybe fake--well if it was fake, i have to say, they were trained well :)

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  48. My neighbor walked past this morning. He didn't say good morning - he never does. He laughed at us. My little guy was in pajamas. I said, "It's pajama day." That's kind of how my interactions with neighbors go. We skip the normal pleasantries. It's assumed, right?

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    1. hmmmm good point, i will try that with my neighbors--beats talking ---just kidding sort of ;)

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  49. I guess it's better than encountering others with complete silence or lack of acknowledgement. I guess it's probably better not to freak someone out by jumping in with some big controversial topic or a deep philosophical question. But I do like to make people think once the ice has been broken.


    Lee
    Places I Remember
    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

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    1. haha i do too---yeah the silence thing is kinda creepy, isn't it--thanks :)

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  50. Great post Lynn. The next time I'm talking to someone new, I'm definitely going to launch right into questions about the meaning of life =).

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  51. haha i think you definitely should--would love to be there when you do---thanks stephen

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  52. You're so right. Real honesty in reply to "How are you?" could be overwhelming and depressing. Yet I know a couple of people who would fill me in on every detail. I've learned not to ask. :D

    Patricia

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  53. yes--i know quite a few of them also---i guess that's what i get for listening the first time--they come to expect it--not really mean haha

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  54. Oh those silly little things that we all say. It's funny how we all participate isn't it!

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    1. yeah it kinda is---we are silly creatures ;)

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