Zeal

 I wanted to end with something meaningful and intense- but I’m not sure it would be honest- and hey that’s our goal isn’t it!

I started this az challenge with great zeal and even excitement 

I’m finishing with a bit of disappointment in myself- just a little- because mainly I’m continuing to pat myself on the proverbial back

Zeal is fragile- it’s subject to winds of any velocity 

So when you start to experience that tingling zeal- ride it as far as you can- don’t expect it to be there waiting 

Because it doesn’t wait for anyone- it is at best fleeting and brief 

I hope for each one that participated in this challenge- happiness and blessings- contentment and wonder 

I hope life holds much joy and zeal and never give up on that dream or passion 

Congratulations to everyone and keep on writing what you know and care about- and if you can’t do that - make it interesting 

Yesterday

Truth can never touch yesterday- it’s clouded with mixed emotions 

No one actually recalls it exactly 

But there remains an essence of  echoing memory 

Behind the curtain of life’s intentions and beyond our earnest thoughts 

It continues stoically resting never

It’s still a promise awaiting 

Don’t call it gone or pretend it never was because you know you miss it 

Xmas

 Honestly I’m getting kinda lazy- I didn’t even take the time to research this- freshly- I have before 

Hey we all understand when we get to this letter huh

The x in Xmas is sometimes explained as a symbol of the cross

I’m okay with that - but I get why people are upset by it - omitting Christ- 

Now I’m getting kinda stuck- I might just stop here and go do a little more research - naw - wish I had picked X-ray or what’s the other one?

See this letter even has me using question marks

But seriously if someone wants to use Xmas instead of Christmas- I’m not going to get too upset- unless I do find out it means something I had not realized 

Hey I’ve warned y’all I’m not a serious writer- there’s too much work in that- 

And dare I admit I’m always confused about the xo thing- You know like which is the hug and which is the kiss

Wedding

I speak of Frank’s and my wedding- all the way back in the bicentennial year

I thought it might be fun to try and see if this post would allow me to think back on that amazing day and maybe take an honest although lighthearted look back

Of course being in August it was hot- I actually am saying that more of knowledge but with no real remembrance of being too hot or uncomfortable- you know I am assuming the church had ac at the time 

I wish I had recorded the music - as I didn’t hear much of the beforehand piano- or was it the organ- music 

My sister and my niece- who was under 2 - had taken a morning to meet with the lady who would play

I don’t think I can recall each one but here are a few

“What are you doing the rest of your life”- this one had gained popularity because of it being the theme song of a couple on a famous soap opera- I think it was Roger and Peggy but I’m not sure of the show 

“Feelings”- it was a big hit at that time

“ the Shadow of your Smile”

There were quite a few others

My brother in law Lewis sang 

I did record the ceremony but I’m not sure if it broke- but I can’t find it

I remember how my cake had fresh flowers on the top but they were the wrong color or one was- I don’t know how they got it mixed up as the same florist did my other flowers - I had picked pink and green but the cake had pink and blue 

I called them and got a big discount!

I remember the church was full 

As I write this I’m trying hard to not just jot down what I know but to let memories come back

Funny thing that comes back- one of our guests- she had been really Frank’s friend

Anyway she had cut off her long hair- I said to her “you cut your hair”- to which she exclaimed- “ no I had my neck stretched “ - as you can see it made an impression on me!

All in all I know I was extremely happy to be Mrs Frank Proctor 

Value

 When I mostly think of value- I equate it with the value or usefulness of something 

It is often said that we will value what is important to us

But if we don’t value it does it change the level of  value 

Is value similar to appreciation  - does it have to always pertain to worthiness 

If I value something and you don’t- does that make one of us wrong 

Value is extremely subjective - leading  to an enormous range  of importance 

If I recognize something’s value do I automatically respond to it- does my labeling it’s value raise it’s value- does everything have value- I pray each person has value to at least one person 

Until

 I had a little trouble with this letter - until landing on this one- 

Until is like a pause- maybe an excuse- or perhaps a promise of good things to come

We often hear- wait until- or don’t wait until it’s too late

Until holds out many conditions at times 

It leaves one stuck behind the eight ball of until 

Is it an excuse or an unobtainable time that never existed 

It can be a threat of sorts or simply a mark in any said event or goal

Is until an actual place- more like a noun- I guess only the user of this powerful ambivalent utterance would know 

The Trailer

 Remember how I’ve shared the relatively few strong memories I have of actual events and days of my childhood 

Well I may have written of this particular one before- so excuse me if I have

I think this day must have begun my fascination with house trailers 

My mother and as I recall- my sister Martha and my brother Bland and myself were going to retrieve a friend’s belongings from her tiny trailer where she had been living- alone and lonely- she was our church choir leader- she had become very close to our family and was coming to live with us for the time being 

It was the middle of summer- there was no ac and only the minimal shade from the aluminum awning in the tiny trailer 

But I sat on the small built in hard as a rock sofa- peering out the window - it pretty much took up the whole end of the trailer- I could see it all- people washing their cars- children riding bikes - women hanging out their wet clothes 

The mini stove- the cozy feeling- I could live there- I remember thinking and wishing 

True as I recall now I may have written about this woman before- and I became to dislike  her and she  me

But that day I did like her and had so much excitement for what I thought would be a lark

I can still feel the dry heat in that almost airless small home- and the awe of it all- hence started my romanticizing love of the house trailer 

As I take another look back at that mesmerizing day—I can’t help but wonder at the months ahead - that lead to such unhappiness- and how I’m glad I was able to be blissfully unaware of the strained at best feelings that would follow