renewal

the soft light touched her skin like a satin ribbon---she didn't open her eyes, although she was certainly awake

the thoughts of her dreams, echoed in her memory and she closed her eyelids tighter as this could change it

many years had left her wiser and wiser still she would become--- still she struggled---how futile it all seemed at times

and then like a candle's brilliance in the early evening's dimness--it would hit her---she knew, she could go on, not only on but follow

follow an unknown thing, but so real she could feel it's breath on her moist neck

only she knew her intent and strength, only she could end this dream

after the dust of the challenge, comes may

well i will have to say, it feels a little weird, writing today---although it has only been about ten days, it seems like much longer-

the a-z challenge sorta left me tired---and i know, i didn't put into it what i did last year---so really i was dragging through it--

i guess, stress is what brought me back to the keys today---if you have followed me for a while, you may remember that may is an unusually busy month in my family and this year there are even more important dates going on---

the first part of may, marks many dates that hold a special place in my heart, followed by the dreaded "mother's day"---my birthday, robyn's, my youngest granddaughter's-my "dil" kelli's and then my son colin---not to mention memorial day, which is when we most times celebrate, colin's bday---and out of necessity we now throw in kelli's---i mean my family can't get together every weekend-----

this year, the month of may ends with robyn's graduation, and last year of dance recital---which includes many extra practices------hmmm it seems like i am forgetting something---oh yeah a prom and---big stress builder, her graduation and the first recital, all on the same day---lovely huh---at least we get it all done at once---trying to look on the bright side

and trying to remember how these days will past and the memory will be a distant blur one day---focus--breath and enjoy--right---right---

one thing you have to keep in mind about stress---they say, when your stressful thing has passed, to be aware of sickness hitting ya---that's when your stress hormones take a break and you are most vulnerable to coming down with something---just great--another thing to stress about--but that let down won't be for some time to come----wedding in august

zebra---i know, i used it last year, but read on, you will see

last year i wrote about my son's wonderful drawing of the zebra--the painting explored - how the zebra got his stripes, and my son said (as the painting depicted) that he indeed got his stripes from the mud, that was in the picture with him----i went on to vow, how although we had displayed the award winning picture, i had never framed it--and i was to add that to my to do list---sadly to say and with no excuse, i have still not framed it---

so today i end with the word zebra as in the symbol of unfinished projects in my life and do not want you to miss the irony of this post being the culmination of this blog challenge----

the list would be long and boring if i were to include all of the zebra projects since last year's challenge---so i will share only a sampling


1. i still haven't finished cleaning out my closet
2. still haven't written notes and cards to many of my loved ones
3. still haven't firmed up my body enough haha, like that's gonna happen in my lifetime
4. still haven't started that project that is gonna change my life
5. still haven't gotten the big lottery win--
6. still haven't had a cookie decorating day with the grand-kids
7.hmmmm there are so many more zebra moments

so as we leave this challenge, i would challenge us all to do as many zebra things as we can do and to not beat ourselves up when we miss a few here and there--after all that little zebra still looks pretty sweet in it's original matted cardboard frame-----

youth

the young don't know nor care to see the depth of life before them
they cling to fun and paths of freedom and still they know it's coming

they can't define the road of youth, it's all been done before
they chase and hide and say they won't but who can tell them the truth

their youth of today is holding them down and it really is better than vision
for all of our warnings will go unheeded and rightly they should

x marks the spot

x marks the spot----wow---that makes me think of my childhood----for all the dresses i wore and the prissy girl i was known to be---i spent a lot of time outdoors

right next to my house were woods---i had a fort and everything----and i was always pretending to hunt for treasure----thus the x marks the spot choice today---

i would draw maps and insist to my willing friends, that there was a real live treasure hidden somewhere in my domain and if they could find it--they could have it--

oh it might have been an old necklace or a broken vase, but to us, it was all very exciting--

it was exciting like when i was very little, how one of my Sunday school teacher would host an Easter egg hunt at her house----somehow, i was her favorite---and she---unbeknownst to the other mothers and their kids---would lead me to x marks the spot, every time---i would not only get the most eggs but always the big prize egg---i remember how i sorta had a guilty little feeling about that special egg i retrieved

other places in our lives are marked with an x, if only in our memories----the place you had your first kiss---the place your were when the president was assassinated---the place your were when you first told your husband you were expecting ---the place the police officer pulled you over, when you were going a little fast-----and on and on

yes x doesn't do a lot, in our language, at least in our everyday usage, but x can mark some pretty important things

white bird

i remember so many songs that intrigued me and spoke to me, none more than this beautiful song of yesterday

"white bird"----it was by a group called "it's a beautiful day"---

i hesitated to look into the meaning of the song, for fear it could mean something, that i had not read into it all those years ago---i might look it up after i finish this---

but whatever the intent of the song---for me, it spoke of passions for living and it spoke to my soul and touched me in a extreme way

it stirred my emotions and made me dream of possibilities and the power inside myself--to soar, like this great white bird

when i bought their album for this song, i discovered another wonderful cut----"hot summer day"---which proved to touch me in much the same way

it is one of those albums that can transport me back----sitting by the river with my friends---staring at the sky and daring to let my mind wander at the future while realizing the depth of connection that music would always hold to those days

vanity

what is vanity--is it when we wash our faces and check our laugh lines-
is it when we curl our hair and take the mirror to check the back--to see if we look as good coming as going

we can't escape it, it seems----we are bombarded with everything everywhere making us vulnerable to vanity---are our teeth white enough, does our breath have that minty fresh taste---is there any unwanted hair in sight---are our butts tight enough

does our lawn look as green as our neighbors, do our flowers reach their optimum bloom size

does our kid make the grade and do they go to a good college---if they don't, you probably won't see the stickers on the car windows

of course we know the bible says all is vanity and it is----we are but a vapor----

but still we do it, we buy the newest bent of metal, that makes us now look at our last year's model and recognize it's not as pretty anymore

we look at our butcher block counters and exclaim---i have got to get the marble counter tops, i just have to

we throw out last year's so out-of-date fashions---because someone tells us to

it will not end---we can only rebel and resist in small doses----we can only be released when we are in a place of pain or age, where we can no longer compete anyway-----and then we can marvel at the best spot we purchased in the cemetery---why it is much prettier than------