drip drip----she pushed the faucet tighter---it was only a matter of time before it broke completely and then what would she do----the valves were already broken--
what was that coffee that used to taste so much better than this stuff she spooned into her cup---oh yeah---it started tasting funny---they must have changed it----but why-----maybe some people liked it better
so many ideas fleeted through her sleepy brain and she couldn't really grasp any for more than an instant
should she do some of the things that interested her---they didn't hold the same interest though----
okay---enjoy this day, make your dreams come true---you're still young-----no one sees your naked body anymore anyway
boy, if that inkling she felt about her mother at this age, had fully been known----but what could she have said to her-----only listened more to her silence
and how she recalls the times she searched and searched for that dream house, an old house---with the man she felt could do anything---she would follow him anywhere----how her mother shared, she too had this dream once and that she should do it then, or she never would
but it didn't matter to her now---she was actually glad she hadn't----for if she had, she wouldn't be looking through the listings for the lost dreams of yesterday, to hunt for with her young man of days long ago and younger man than the days hopefully to come
and as she read each romantic description of someone's home they were leaving, the dripping became beautiful background music
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
again
delicate flower please make your appearance----don't let me hold my swallowed breath any longer
hold me until my blood runs warmer than it's usual composition-----i won't break
ask me and i will share----question me and i will run-----is it too much to want-----how do i know
so love and life and emotions get all turned around---i know that somewhere there is constancy and completeness---i won't give up----i have no choice but to continue
of all the times in ones life----the sweet and the bitter----that stirring remains----
sometimes it chokes and smothers---others, it calms and protects
so open little blossom of hope in my waiting spirit and let me inhale again
hold me until my blood runs warmer than it's usual composition-----i won't break
ask me and i will share----question me and i will run-----is it too much to want-----how do i know
so love and life and emotions get all turned around---i know that somewhere there is constancy and completeness---i won't give up----i have no choice but to continue
of all the times in ones life----the sweet and the bitter----that stirring remains----
sometimes it chokes and smothers---others, it calms and protects
so open little blossom of hope in my waiting spirit and let me inhale again
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
today i come to you as a mom and would ask you to please be in prayer, if you believe in prayer---
as some of you might have noticed, i have had someone and something weighing heavily on my heart and soul for the past months-
i am sorry i cannot talk about it---it could hurt people if i did----but please just know, i am asking you to pray as you would for a child of your own----that's how i try to pray anyway----i ask myself, what would i want prayed if it were my son or daughter---
i believe in prayer and the power of connected prayer---thank you
as some of you might have noticed, i have had someone and something weighing heavily on my heart and soul for the past months-
i am sorry i cannot talk about it---it could hurt people if i did----but please just know, i am asking you to pray as you would for a child of your own----that's how i try to pray anyway----i ask myself, what would i want prayed if it were my son or daughter---
i believe in prayer and the power of connected prayer---thank you
Monday, February 4, 2013
ode to a day in august
today as i attempt to share a bit of my brain's recollections and feelings, i find myself going back in time, to a day, i must admit, i barely remember---but for some reason, my heart and thoughts go back there more than i can say----
it's funny on a cold gray february day such as today or maybe not---that my daydreams and glimpses of history, go back to a day when i must have been no older than eight---
my maternal grandmother and my mom and siblings, went peach picking----i could not tell you, where it was, although i know it was not far out---it seems like it was maybe only miles from my grandmother's house, which was in the northside of my city-----
it must have been august---i recall it was very hot--but i don't see it as the hottest of that summer's days----
and i don't think i was having a particularly happy day, as it unfolded---but something in that day----calls me back, over and over and tells me that it was something, beautiful about that day, maybe even magical---how i wish, i knew what it was--
the day evidently made such an impact on me, that through the years i had inquired more than once, if my mother remembered anything much from that day--she hadn't--
as a child, i wasn't even fond of peaches--and today, it is not one of my favorite fruits, not even liking fruit all that much anyway----but when my mind thinks of something refreshing, i think of those peaches--
the thought of them---brings a peace and a connection with summer, like only a few memories do----
i see my grandmother, reaching and talking----she was all about nature and fishing and flowers----
to be honest--as a writer should try to be, though in kindness, when it is on reality------going to that grandmother's was not always as exciting--and sometimes evoked a little dread-----it may have had something to do with the way my grandmother dealt with me----she would scold me and tell me how bad i was being and believe me, i was----but with my other grandmother, it was different-----i don't think, she ever corrected me or thought she could maybe---but i loved them both, almost the same---any difference, i cannot measure--
oh to go back to that day for real--and though it's true, how some times are better left in the recesses of our subconscious---i think this day would more than hold up--
it's funny on a cold gray february day such as today or maybe not---that my daydreams and glimpses of history, go back to a day when i must have been no older than eight---
my maternal grandmother and my mom and siblings, went peach picking----i could not tell you, where it was, although i know it was not far out---it seems like it was maybe only miles from my grandmother's house, which was in the northside of my city-----
it must have been august---i recall it was very hot--but i don't see it as the hottest of that summer's days----
and i don't think i was having a particularly happy day, as it unfolded---but something in that day----calls me back, over and over and tells me that it was something, beautiful about that day, maybe even magical---how i wish, i knew what it was--
the day evidently made such an impact on me, that through the years i had inquired more than once, if my mother remembered anything much from that day--she hadn't--
as a child, i wasn't even fond of peaches--and today, it is not one of my favorite fruits, not even liking fruit all that much anyway----but when my mind thinks of something refreshing, i think of those peaches--
the thought of them---brings a peace and a connection with summer, like only a few memories do----
i see my grandmother, reaching and talking----she was all about nature and fishing and flowers----
to be honest--as a writer should try to be, though in kindness, when it is on reality------going to that grandmother's was not always as exciting--and sometimes evoked a little dread-----it may have had something to do with the way my grandmother dealt with me----she would scold me and tell me how bad i was being and believe me, i was----but with my other grandmother, it was different-----i don't think, she ever corrected me or thought she could maybe---but i loved them both, almost the same---any difference, i cannot measure--
oh to go back to that day for real--and though it's true, how some times are better left in the recesses of our subconscious---i think this day would more than hold up--
Monday, January 28, 2013
writing from the light side
okay----i know i have been, well shall i say a little dark lately---so as i am feeling not necessaryly light this morning but kinda upbeat---i thought, hmmmm it might be interesting to just let myself go and write on one of these kind of days----
wow---where to begin----you would think with all the stuff going on right now with robyn and dillon, i would be writing my brains out about it---but for me, sometimes it is too much for me to share details---kinda overwhelming and stressful----i would compare it to when one of my special angels would have a doctor's appointment--and they were always filled with hard to explain information---but waiting family would call me asking for the findings of the days events----i found myself cutting out more and more stuff as the phone calls increased----too bad i didn't have facebook back then and could have just sent a mass message----anyway, did that make sense---i mean comparing that to why i am not writing about the wedding plans yet---
so what to share----
i sure wish i could make over my house---does that sound trite----i will share this about kinda the wedding--we had a lovely brunch and reception planning time with robyn's future in-laws yesterday----oh did i mention, dillon's mom is a master cake designer and caterer-----i know i know-----well any who---their house was immaculate---i still like them though---
these last few nights have made me think of all kinds of lists and things-----you know, i probably should have gone into the gift basket business-----
yes i am aware i am rambling----this is probably why i don't write more when i am kinda hyper and hopeful-
but seriously--it is nice to have the sun shining in my heart today, even though it is raining buckets---
it is nice to have sweet times to plan and dwell on---
it's a good day to count my blessings and plan for grand-kids sleep-overs---a great day to discover the Easter egg lights, i found on clearance this past year---to plug them in and get a thrill---and think, how i can't wait to display them for the kids on the egg-hunt day-
see rainy days and mondays don't always have to get ya down
wow---where to begin----you would think with all the stuff going on right now with robyn and dillon, i would be writing my brains out about it---but for me, sometimes it is too much for me to share details---kinda overwhelming and stressful----i would compare it to when one of my special angels would have a doctor's appointment--and they were always filled with hard to explain information---but waiting family would call me asking for the findings of the days events----i found myself cutting out more and more stuff as the phone calls increased----too bad i didn't have facebook back then and could have just sent a mass message----anyway, did that make sense---i mean comparing that to why i am not writing about the wedding plans yet---
so what to share----
i sure wish i could make over my house---does that sound trite----i will share this about kinda the wedding--we had a lovely brunch and reception planning time with robyn's future in-laws yesterday----oh did i mention, dillon's mom is a master cake designer and caterer-----i know i know-----well any who---their house was immaculate---i still like them though---
these last few nights have made me think of all kinds of lists and things-----you know, i probably should have gone into the gift basket business-----
yes i am aware i am rambling----this is probably why i don't write more when i am kinda hyper and hopeful-
but seriously--it is nice to have the sun shining in my heart today, even though it is raining buckets---
it is nice to have sweet times to plan and dwell on---
it's a good day to count my blessings and plan for grand-kids sleep-overs---a great day to discover the Easter egg lights, i found on clearance this past year---to plug them in and get a thrill---and think, how i can't wait to display them for the kids on the egg-hunt day-
see rainy days and mondays don't always have to get ya down
Thursday, January 24, 2013
do you hear it
softly it ran past her----it came out of nowhere----rounded and cloudy, it descended from an unknown place
visible to those who would choose to see it's outline----but hidden from the cold ones, the empty souls of the greedy
shush----do you faintly hear it's echo-----no-----it cries for your favor-always turning it's many dispositions
alone in the rainy forest, it tip-toes like it was still crunchy---how i love that sound----and it's hard to recreate it in this moist abandoned island
so closing her heavy portholes to the world---the wistful lull of her sleep calls her back----and there it sprints past her again so far from her, she questioned it's existence and as she rose to call it back---- she was unable to speak it's name
visible to those who would choose to see it's outline----but hidden from the cold ones, the empty souls of the greedy
shush----do you faintly hear it's echo-----no-----it cries for your favor-always turning it's many dispositions
alone in the rainy forest, it tip-toes like it was still crunchy---how i love that sound----and it's hard to recreate it in this moist abandoned island
so closing her heavy portholes to the world---the wistful lull of her sleep calls her back----and there it sprints past her again so far from her, she questioned it's existence and as she rose to call it back---- she was unable to speak it's name
Monday, January 21, 2013
will i just shut-up----not now
i don't know what i thought life would look like---glancing out at 58------not the young girl of just the other day--not the young mother of a minute ago----and not yet--as far as i know---the even older, lady of one day---
i hate self reflection for the most part-----but yet
oh well, today i am not gonna beat myself up about any of the many feelings and emotions i have stirring within me---i will just be happy that anything is stirring in me
oh youth, is it wasted on the young---isn't that what an eighty year old would say to me----there's that "everything's relative" thing again----
as i sit here at my corner of my space, i can feel the warmth of the welcome sun, but i haven't even bothered to slit the drapes--no not one little bit--
is it me that has my last child planning a wedding----who is this stranger i have become-----years ago, i would have had no patience for these kinds of questions or let alone thoughts-----oh yes i hear you, i know the time is short and i am wasting it----so be it-------maybe i am suppose to be at this place and at this junction "this" time in my journey of existence---
if you are still reading---remember my disclaimer----who knows what is real and what is an illusion---hmmmm does that remind anyone else of a song-----;)
i hate self reflection for the most part-----but yet
oh well, today i am not gonna beat myself up about any of the many feelings and emotions i have stirring within me---i will just be happy that anything is stirring in me
oh youth, is it wasted on the young---isn't that what an eighty year old would say to me----there's that "everything's relative" thing again----
as i sit here at my corner of my space, i can feel the warmth of the welcome sun, but i haven't even bothered to slit the drapes--no not one little bit--
is it me that has my last child planning a wedding----who is this stranger i have become-----years ago, i would have had no patience for these kinds of questions or let alone thoughts-----oh yes i hear you, i know the time is short and i am wasting it----so be it-------maybe i am suppose to be at this place and at this junction "this" time in my journey of existence---
if you are still reading---remember my disclaimer----who knows what is real and what is an illusion---hmmmm does that remind anyone else of a song-----;)
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