Notes to one’s self

 When Frank and I were dating - on our first Christmas together- one of the gifts I gave him was “notes to Myself “ by Hugh Prather- it was first published in 1970 and continues to print to this day

The first Father’s Day after Frank died- was only a week after his funeral 

I wanted to give my boys something special- something that would be about their dad- I sent them both a copy of “ notes to myself “

I have to admit that I didn’t remember too much about the book and I really don’t know if Frank ever read it- or if he had told me about this book or I had completely picked it out on my own 

I’d always remembered it fondly and imagined it was full of very timely- seventies advice and culture of that time

It wasn’t until recently that I actually read some of this book 

It got me to thinking of what notes to myself I would jot down- what words of advice and wisdom I would like to pass on

A couple of years ago I started to write a kinda letter to my children- it seemed it was going to be earth shattering and full of secrets I had learned on my journey thus far

When I read through what I had shared- it was pretty much - go for your dreams and always remember I love you- not the mysterious insights I had told myself I was full of

So as I took a new- maybe first time look at the book I gave Frank all those years ago- I once again had that yearning to give it another try- a new start at sharing something lasting 

Mornings

 Sometimes we writers over assume that our readers are more interested in our personal lives than the real truth 

But regardless as I am sorta struggling to write these days and confined somewhat by the letter of today- I’m just going to be self indulgent once more

My morning time is absolutely different now of course but nevertheless I have established a routine of sorts

I seem to be waking up rather early although thank the good Lord I don’t have problems sleeping 

I usually have 2 pieces of low carb toast- one with cream cheese- the other with peanut butter- this has replaced my fluffy waffles- which I do miss

I almost always have my instant coffee in my oversized Christmas coffee mug my brother-in-law and sister-in-law gave me a couple of Christmases ago

I like to turn on the local news and I mostly watch the today show- sometimes going between a few other stations  

Each morning I check my Facebook memories and share ones I think will be encouraging or uplifting- or funny or just a picture or quite a few

I’ve also started trying a new thing- where I sit silent for 5 minutes and let my mind go blank- waiting on God to speak to me

I usually wait until Miller is up to read my devotionals- he loves to hear me read

But as soon as he’s up he wants the “easy listening “ music channel- hey it’s a welcome change from the light classical station he once preferred 

If there’s time before Miller is awake- I may do my SongPop game or check through my memos - lists etc

Or I may start searching for a hopefully meaningful gift for whomever I need to remember that week

So if you are still reading - thanks for humoring  me this morning 

Letter - the letter

 A few months ago my sister Ruth had a strange phone call from a stranger 

The young woman said she had found a letter written to my grandmother- and a few other receipts and things - she said she had discovered them on my grandmother’s property- around and under her house- explaining that her boyfriend’s parents lived near by and that they were hiking and came upon her old house

After my sister told me about this call - I called this woman and told her I was quite disturbed at her contacting my sister and I wanted to know more

She assured me she wanted nothing and was just captivated by who my grandmother might be or who she had imagined her to be

Some of my grandmother’s letters and other correspondence had been thrown out recently- things that were at my parents’ home - the one we siblings were going through 

I thought she must have gotten a hold of some items from a trash can or other disposal place

So I proceeded to ask this odd young woman questions- pretending I had not seen the old place in a long time- most of her descriptions were spot on - a few were questionable 

She definitely had a keen interest in my grandmother and politely almost begged me to send her a picture of my grandmother 

She openly admitted to searching the obituaries for information to be able to contact my sister 

I never sent her a picture and have no plans to do so

A part of me remains skeptical but mostly I do believe it was just as she said- a curious heart and a desire to keep alive an old woman of a simpler time

Keep on keeping on

 Keep on keeping on because you must

Do it today and somehow tomorrow 

Do it because you should- your time isn’t up- your name wasn’t called 

Keep on keeping on just do it -as it’s said- it will likely become habit

Do it when you’re too tired to care- when you’re convinced it all doesn’t matter 

Do it when those voices stop calling you to do it- hold on to that one thing that keeps you going 

Keep on going because you just don’t know when you’ll not be here to do it—you can do it- I believe in you- you know you feel  that gentle push 

Keep on keeping on- and smile while you do

Jumping stick

 I’m not an athletic person- excelling only at tennis and volleyball- oh and square dancing!!

Actually I hated participating in most sports and most surely despised gym class!!

So it’s kinda amazing how good I was at the jumping stick- better known as the pogo stick! I used jumping stick - so I could manipulate it into today’s J letter

We just sold my childhood home- I shared with you how my father passed away a little over a year now 

As I made numerous trips to the empty house to go through years of stuff and memories- I couldn’t help but remember my jumping on that pogo stick with reckless abandon 

On my many trips to my childhood home since my daddy died- I would enter through the front door - going down the long narrow sidewalk- cracked now and moss stained 

How many times I had bobbed along the cemented walkway- balancing perfectly-only stopping if I was tired- never falling off

I recall daydreaming and letting my mind race with plans for the next day or a great new idea that would come to me as I intensely jumped for the pure joy of it

I hope the new occupants have a young girl or boy- and I hope they try and repair the old walkway- so they too can jump along it or perhaps just sit on it and dream 

Interests

 Lately I’ve had more time to think of things to fill the time

I’ve found a renewed interest in many things that have held different levels of interest to me

I’ve found a new love for cooking and at my son and his wife (my daughter) idea- I’ve started doing cooking videos on Facebook— I’ve been pleasantly surprised at all the encouragement and support I’ve been receiving from friends and family— And I have to tell you- so far I’m really enjoying it!

My blogger life honestly has not been on the top of my life interest list- but I’m determined to plug along this az challenge!

I’m generally interested in art- decorating- especially my mantle!!

I love tv- see you too can admit it!!!

I also love the idea of planting a garden or at least watching shows about it!

I’m toying with the idea of singing and writing music again- a few months ago I even recorded myself singing some old songs I had written and shared them with some of my granddaughters that are into music a lot!

They said they liked them- and I’m running with that

I continue my love of old houses and architecture — something Frank and I loved together 

I’ve always been into bird watching and I have bought a birdhouse 

Hmmm I’m trying to think if there are any more interesting interests 

Oh- the piano- not much progress there but every once and a while I sit down and embarrass myself- this is sad to say but I think I would play more if my dining room table wasn’t so close to the piano- that’s what I tell myself anyway 

My interest in my family and friends and their lives is deeper now- 

Oh and the ancestry stuff— I’m super intrigued by that kinda stuff

I’m just happy to feel like being interested in anything these days

Handle on things

 Yes I’m coping better each day it seems 

I have the dreaded DMV appointment behind me 

I have my plumbing super issue taken care of- thanks to the awesome generosity of two sweet families I know!

There have been many kindnesses- too many to count- yes I have definitely been blessed with support and care

I knew Frank did a lot but I never quite realized just how much- the depth that I depended on him- and yes there are things I would suggest to others to be sure and do differently but mostly I don’t regret how much I relied on Frank 

He was my best friend- we both were never happier or  more content than when we had time together- honestly we were rarely social with others- mainly because our alone time was scarce 

I’ve adjusted to spending my mornings without him and me having a cup of coffee together- praying together and watching some of the days news-I even miss Frank speaking loudly back at the tv about the absurdities he disagreed with!

I’m handling new things and feelings every day- some in stride- most in kinda a terror—but with God I’m doing it

My kids are a great encouragement of course- and I really want to be there for them also 

So all in all I’m thankful and maybe on a good day- hopeful 

I’m even getting a handle on the toilet handle- just how to jiggle it to make it stop running- but occasionally I have to admit to having to take the back off the tank and handle it that way— still progress