The Zipline of life

I was thinking how life's journey could be compared to the thrill and terror of a trip down a zipline

Sometimes it's exciting-- you get to see things from a different perspective

The way life goes by in a blink-- how you have to hold on for dear life

How your feet aren't always gonna stay on the ground

Sometimes life takes our breath away-- we forget to breathe or we realize our breathing is shallow

We miss some pretty important views -- but up there we get so much more of the whole picture

And even though we might come through with various cuts and scraps-- we most likely unstrap ourselves to find the ride was definitely worth it

Yearning

Although the definition lends itself to something you long for -- when I hear the word I think of a painful almost regretful feeling

I guess it is a longing to change things in the past and intense desire for something in the present or future

To me it doesn't sound hopeful but woeful--- like a bitter memory or experience

For sure there is passion behind some yearnings but I tend to see and feel an emptiness - a forlorn look back

Yearning represents the aching to go back - to change that result or to reach out and grab that lost opportunity

I'm not sure why I envision the past with the word yearning - it just seems to scream loss to me

X-ray

What if an x-ray could see the soul- our intent our darkness

If it illuminated our purposes and our desires

Of course it would only be helpful if the physician could do something to heal our inner failures

Something they could give us  to cure all of our demons

Our bones and organs are fair game to all the scrutiny of the techninians and specialists

It's a silly thought perhaps but how helpful it might be if by shining a light on our soul deformities we could rearrange the core of our existence

Wisdom

We all desire wisdom- insight-- pearls of it - words of it and years to gain it

Several years ago my daughter Robyn recorded much of a day with my dad-- listening to him tell stories and family orders as we took a day to drive him and mom around their childhood places

I wish we had done this with my mother before most of her mind was stolen by Alzheimer's

Mom had kept a story of sorts -- about some aspects of the family

But there are so many unanswered mysteries

As reseaching our ancestry I found out my grandmother had an older sister -- she died quite young-- I didn't remember hearing anything about her-- my dad doesn't know either- his mind now has the same thief as my mother

I've always thought I would make a documentary-- there have been many subjects I have contemplated tackling

One of them involved my church- basically picking those older members brains

Much of that population has left us and with their passing- the chance to gain their great wisdom

So if we are to be wise we must learn to listen and hear that invaluable wisdom that comes from living

Vaccines

Okay don't get nervous-- I will admit I have not been a huge fan of them at times

Now I'm not an anti vax proponent but I'm not unagreeable to listening to the other side- and have studied much concerning this huge subject through the years

Several of my children were unable to receive certain vaccins due to their neurological conditions

But the leariness and cautious approach started with my healthy first born

He was just a couple of months old-- his dr checkup included his first inoculation--

That night he ran an extremely high fever

Also that night the national news was a buzz with a horrible story
Seems the exact vaccine that my son had gotten was responsible for sick babies and as I can recall at least 1 or 2 deaths

Some of the supply had been tainted-- I was frantic-- his pediatrician assured me his vial could not have been affected

So I'm sure this rude awakening to error and the times of purposeful tampering of all kinds of meds and foods fed my fears and encouraged my many questions through these years

Useless

Some things possibly could be useless

Most things are not

I suppose looking backwards too much might appear useless but what if we discover something new in that glance back- perhaps a great mystery solved

Is it useless to worry - the Bible tells us it is-- I guess it can even be called a useless sin

Some items that once served a great purpose have become obsolete useless

One that doesn't always go with the flow of the masses opinion of a life that holds
value-- can be deemed useless

Why is it after we've given all we have to someone or tried our best at a task only to reach suspected failure-- that we finally proclaim it's useless

Was it? What became of the energy that went into that great trial that didn't seem to work out-- isn't all of that effort still there inside of you- proving nothing is useless

Taking a risk

Used to be I took lots of risks-- most of the time it didn't even seem like they were risks just dreams and hopes

There are certain areas in my life where people would definitely say I took risks-- they may be looking at it wrong- sometimes life looks like a risk when it's actually destiny or fate

Risking everything is not always a true risk but a desperate leap of faith

Certain risks i would not want my kids to take - no matter what the payoff could be
But dont let that passion that makes each breath a little deeper pass you by-- each day eager with promise

Do the impossible- dream the heights-  listen to the echos in your heart--

Without the risks we take-- life's just someone else's path

Sandwiches

I love sandwiches- I probably prefer them to just about any fancy meal

I recall as a child my mother used to make us olive spread sandwiches- I don't think they still make it

We also enjoyed sandwich spread ones- if you don't know - it's just mayo with sweet pickle

One of my favorite ones is a good old tomato sandwich - wirh mayo and salt- maybe a bit of pepper

There's nothing better than a peanut butter and banana sandwich or with honey

One of my childhood friends used to eat peanut butter and hersey chocolate bar sandwiches

You can't beat a grilled cheese in my book- and recently I've discovered I like them better with mayo

That reminds me-- tuna! - it's great with the mayo and sweet relish of course but ever tried it with onion and celery with fresh lemon juice?

There used to be this sub shop when I was a teenager-- they had the most amazing "just cheese" subs-- it was heated-- and that sauce-- never knew what was in it

What can I say-- I'm a girl of simple tastes

Resolutions

Resolutions

Do you make them?

I seldom officially commit to them
That doesn't mean there aren't countless lists containing tons of them

Sometimes I accomplish the small ones-- I don't make 'em too big

I remember a couple of years ago I did say I was going to start playing the piano again - unfortunately I havent touched it since

Is it presumptuous to make these resolutions-- it's life's job to keep us too busy to even remember them

Quickly

 I find myself trying to take much of life quickly-- not so much in a hurry but wanting to get things behind me

It's really pretty crazy when I think of it-- things I like to do - things I don't enjoy doing- it doesn't seem to be any different to my approach

I am a person who's late if not 15 minutes or more early
Always pacing the waiting away--anxious about the event the journey and the whole enchilada

I think get a stromg blend of my parents in this area-- my dad was nervous about much of life growing up- something that few people would have recognized

My mother had the early or you're late thing

My husband is mostly the attitude- they'll wait-- we have plenty of time--
Hes one of those people that can actually read those magazines in the Drs waiting area

Me-- I can't do anything but sit on the edge of my chair and hope it all goes quickly

the Punishment

When my 2 oldest boys Dustin and Colin were about 11 and 12 they had a fun day planned with the neighbor boy

Their friend was a good friend to both of my boys-- his mom was taking them to play laser tag

My kids had chores -- that day Dustin had finished his with a flourish but Colin- well let's just say - he was a little less eager to get his small chore behind him

As he dawdled and dragged around I insisted that if he did not finish he would not be allowed to go with his friend

I wasn't always the greatest in the follow through of some punishments-- especially one that would deprive him of such a rare treat

All he had to do was dust the dining room- a very small room mind you

Well the time came for them to leave-- no Colin would not be going
Dustin and his friend enthusiastically left -and I'd like to think they didn't feel too bad for Colin- so they could enjoy their adventure

Colin did not cry or anything-- leaving me to agonize at my heartless decision

Colin is now in his late thirties-- I can't tell you the times this day has come back to my heart

One day it hit me!-- for some reason Colin did not want to go that day-- I would finally ask him -- he indeed said no he hadn't really cared about going

 Don't know if I believe him though- part of me thinks he just might have said that -knowing the guilt I was still carrying

Ordering through the drive-thru

I really do not like to order through the drive thru
I don't know exactly why I am weird about this common occurrence but it kinda sets me on edge

This one time Robyn and I pull up to get our order- and then I hear those dreaded words "could you pull over in that space and we'll bring your order out in a minute"

I tell her no I won't- that I'm sorry but I don't do that

She stares at me with sincere wonderment

Then I just go ahead and share with her - that it freaks me out

Whatever item we were supposed to wait on- that had brought this uncomfortable exchange in the first place-- suddenly was in the cashier's hands-- she -averting my face quickly offers me a "have a nice day ma'am"

Nothing

It's nothing you say
hardly anything
it's never nothing
not now not then
nothing dwells alone
or breaks in silence
all encompasses
such declarations
one can defend
simply leaving undisturbed
everything is ruffled
nothing has been spared

Melissa Manchester

You know how some scenes in movies tv shows can stay with you

Years ago - probably in the early 70's there was this soap opera- crazy I can't remember which one it was-- I want to say "search for tomorrow"- but somehow I don't think that's right

There was this storyline - a young man was trying to make it as a singer song writer-- in comes Melissa Manchester-- I'm pretty sure she wasn't playing herself but a singer as well-- she kinda discovers the young man--

In the process she sings her song "be somebody"

I have loved that song ever since-- until recently I was unable to find it anywhere-- nowhere on YouTube -- then there it was a couple of years ago


It's one of those inspirational type songs- I hope it perks up your Monday a bit😍

Love like you were dying

For most of us -- we would definitely love like we were dying if we knew death was soon

But of course we don't know- and well it could be

I know it's not possible or at least not practical to think that way or for sure love that way

But what if we did

We would spend that day together- take that trip as a family

Write that note to that person that doesn't text
 better yet call them

We might really look into that loved one's face and dare to make eye contact- stopping to sit down and listen as they chatted away

What if we gave away the things people wanted now instead of saving them until we were gone or they no longer wanted them

And the list goes on and nothing I have said is new -- but how we can live each day like we aren't dying is the real mystery and why we would love differently if we were is the greater question

the Kool-Aid house

As our kids grew up our house became the proverbial "Kool-Aid " house

We were pretty particular about where we would allow them to go-- preferring to let any and all gather at our place

There were lots of parties and special times but mostly an open door policy for a place to simply hang out or a sleepover

I tried to keep our kitchen stocked with cheap cookies chips and other tasty snacks--- the fridge held almost everyone's favorite -- frozen burritos-- a second close was anything "little debbie"

It was a small price for the happiness they all seemed to have during those all too quick to pass times

Even now if one of those childhood boys now men see my husband in the yard -- you can hear a loud "Franko"- as they still affectionately call him

Funny thing is -- I don't ever remember serving them Kool-Aid

the Jars

I bought these 3 small glass jars from the dollar store-- probably at least 3 or 4 years ago

They have come to represent the changing seasons and holidays as I fill them with different candies

Right now there are brightly colored jelly beans in them - last year the jelly beans were light pastel colors- they are replacing the conversation hearts from Valentine's day
Next year I might try and find some cute St. Patrick's day candies-- I thought this year about filling them with lucky charms!

At Christmas they have held chocolate balls- peppermints- or other holiday treats

Fall brings on the candy corn of course

Soon the jelly beans will be tossed and darling little gummy watermelon slices will adorn the cute containers

It's a little thing for sure but an enjoyable one for me

Every once in a while they are even tasted but mostly they're just there reminding us of the sweetness each season brings

Ice cream (sorry)

I am a little disappointed in myself for writing on ice cream-- but oh well

I really enjoy soft serve ice cream
I will list my top 4
4. Chick-fil-a
3. McDonald's
2. Sonics
1. Dairy queen

4 and 3 aren't actually ice cream-1 and 2 are

Dairy queen  has come out with a new dipped cone flavor- orange dreamcicle- I plan to try it
I love the dipped cones-- McDonald's used to have dipped chocolate cones but didn't carry them long - at least in our area-- too bad - their flavor was better than dairy queen but were extremely messy

Last week Frank was picking up vanilla ice cream for me -- he insisted breyers only had vanilla bean!- Robyn goes in there a couple of days after- she calls me to see which breyers vanilla i wanted-- seems they had - creamy- homemade and several other- but oddly no vanilla bean!

Sonics has a strawberry sundae-- Frank has discovered if he orders it the way I like it with no whipped cream- just ask for ice cream with strawberry sauce-- you can save something like 60 cents-- it embarrasses me though

I don't know why McDonald's also got rid of their twist cones- mixing chocolate and vanilla

I don't plan to write such frivolous dribble the rest of the challenge-- but hey they do say "write what you know"

the Ham dilemma

If you have followed me through the years or just know me- you may be aware of my love hate thing I have going with food
Some of the problem could be deeper haha but today I'm referring to my indecision and countless lists concerning my Easter menu

One of the issues is that I really wanted to have ham-- i don't know it just seems to be the meat to have

I'll also be having  chicken too- but some people coming won't eat chicken

Anyway the dilemma with the ham is this -- I'm ordering the food-- I used to cook it all but for the last few years I don't!

I haven't been able to find ham - like a whole ham or spiral ham- hot and ready to serve-- it's hard to get the ham heated back up in time for lunch- and I'm already having lunch later

I thought about ham biscuits---

I sure hope no one that's coming will read my blog today-- I think I'm pretty safe there

I like my menu to be somewhat of a surprise

I can almost hear my reader thinking- "Wow this lady has a lot to worry about"

Menus and mantles are what I obsess about when I'm not worrying about important things-- like a necessary diversion

What do you have for Easter dinner-- don't worry I won't tell anyone

the Grocery store dream

About 20 or 25 years ago I starting having this reoccurring dream

I was maybe 1 or 2 years old - my daddy was holding me -- we were in a grocery store

I recognized the building -- it was the "annex" building on our church's property
Our church had used this building for Sunday school classes and a coffee house through the years- it's now being used as a day care

In the dream there was lots and lots of fresh vegetables- so many choices and vibrant colors
The wooden container racks were stadium level displays

As I continued to have this dream- I started to figure it had some biblical meaning of sorts- something like "the fields are ripe for harvest "

In the dream it was always only my father and I so that furthered my assumption of the dream having a spiritual message

After years of continuing to dream the same dream- almost weekly-- I mentioned the dream to my dad

He tells me that indeed the "annex" building had once been a grocery store

He says he never had been in it

He and I both determined I could have had no knowledge of the small food market

I still believe the dream had a certain message for me or someone-- funny thing is that ever since discussing the dream with my dad I have never had the dream again

The Flower Garden

Today's pick for f brought me back to a day when I was around 16 or 17

A couple of my friends and I had skipped part of school - we didn't really have any special plans but a last minute decision to stop by my grandmother's house proved to leave an indelible memory for me

We surprised her- as she spent much of her time alone-- visitors were always welcomed and she genuinely appreciated the unexpected if infrequent occurrences

She offered to make us something to eat- we refused-- as we definitely were not intending on staying long

As we were trying to leave-she insisted we take a look at her pretty flowers

My grandmother did not have a lot of beautiful things in her house and her tiny almost courtyard style of backyard was nothing fancy or partically inviting

She walked us around the perimeters - pointing out each flower- each one's name easily shared-- as she gestured she said these memorable words-- "study the colors"

We snickered at her enthusiasm

Many many times since that day I have thought of those words- and of the joy my grandmother took from her tiny flower garden

E is for empathy

Today's letter was a hard one for me

I finally settled on empathy

There have been times in my life that empathy has almost crippled me

Unlike when tragedy hits one's self- empathy often is for a stranger -- leaving you not knowing how they may or may not be coping-- leaving you to imagine the worse
Because we can't feel someone's peace -- we can pray for it - but we never know about some situations

We can only see the headlines-- the horrible details- the hopeless emptiness of life that often comes from what seem to be random senseless events

I guess who we see ourselves in will lead to a greater experience of empathy

Yesterday as I heard the details of a heartbreaking situation- of a family I did not know -- I felt as though I did know them-- I started questioning life and all the mysteries each day holds--

My prayer for all is the comfort of the Holy Spirit- the presense I have deeply been aware of many times in my life-- and God's tender mercies for the day

D- it's all in the delivery

Once you say something it's said you can't take it back--
In our day to day interaction with the public our friends and family we communicate our feelings our desires and our intent

With all the social media our meaning to our words is often misunderstood-- our delivery is sometimes unclear and harsh sounding- probably most of the times that happens it is intentional but that impersonal written word gets us in trouble occasionally

It is in our delivery that we convey our sarcasm our displeasure and our passion

I still have to laugh at the delivery of a line in our church Christmas play one year

The line was "money is no problem with me"--- I directed how it was to be delivered but this actor accentuated every word but the right one

"money IS no problem with me"
"money is no problem with ME?"

It is still hilarious

Yes as we type away our texts - Facebook comments -we should be aware of our delivery- too many caps?-- too many exclamation points?
And don't get me started on those emojis

2 C words

Caution and confession have been rolling around in my brain-- truthfully caution just came to me but yesterday I was pretty sure I would write about confessions

I am a cautious person in many ways and in so many ways a risk taker
It seems to be the smaller things in life that lead me to be quite cautious

I would suggest you be cautious in your use of caution

On to confessions- a little story

Years ago- I was in high school - my parents and brother were out of town
I was home alone-- except for the 100 some people who came over for a party
I had not planned for that many-- okay back to writing with more honesty

I had put out the word and knew full well it would be most of the school!

Anyway after the big weekend as I was cleaning everything up I noticed a small hole under one of the cushions on the formal living room sofa

Oh wow- I had figured some one had dropped a cigarette--

Days went by-- months-- then years--
Finally I confessed to my mother that somehow I may have been responsible for that hole

She laughed and said "no that hole was there when we got it"

I don't remember if i told her then about the party but I did tell my parents -- by that time I think they were pretty battle weary- so not much was said

The moral of this story -- be very cautious with your confessions

B is for bread

When I think of bread I think of making bread-- not actually mind you- just the idea of it

How it would smell- the gooey moist feel of the dough- the mess in the kitchen
The kind of disorder that leaves you feeling that sense of accomplishment
That small bit of flour on your face

I had a friend some years ago-- we have since lost touch but he was always making his own bread-- we talked and planned about making some together one day-- it never happened

But the very clear picture of that day has not left me

He and Frank would be discussing biblical topics while equating it to the bread of life and so on

I would maybe be adorning an apron--
The tea kettle softly humming
Big sturdy mugs circling steam throughout our cozy kitchen
And when we sliced that first piece-- we would all sigh a collective mmmmm

A- day

 Well I'm not even officially in the a/z challenge this year- hey I'm so out of the proverbial loop that I'm not certain it's being done this year

Okay I'm cheating a little- it's b day but I will catch up with good old a

After-- a great little word
I'll be over after dinner
It was after nana died
After it was all over

It's a comforting word and a dreaded one sometimes--

Sometimes that after we talk about never ever comes or it's not the after we expected

It's one of those non descript words that seems easy to promise at the time until after gets there

After all isn't it easier to gently ponder reality in the great after